I know it’s the holiday season and I should probably be blogging about tinsel and gingerbread (or, say, the gazillion PR emails about holiday crafting for the family that I get every day.) But you still need to get through the day during the holidays and I, for one, need a decent pair of jeans to do that.
Clothes are a big challenge for me. First, I have been either pregnant or postpartum for the better part of seven years, so it’s hard to say what my size really is. I’m sure I’m at a healthy weight now, but I can’t help but think that maybe if I watched what I ate at all or exercised even a little that I might drop another pant size or two. It could happen! It won’t happen now, but maybe after the holidays? Maybe?
Even if I did return to my pre-pregnancy size by some miracle, however, would I really want to dress like I did when I was a 26-year-old bartender? I don’t know! Maybe I do. Because I keep trying to dress like a grown up and that’s pretty much what I keep coming back to. Remember I work from home, guys. You’re lucky I even wear pants.
So I’ve been buying one or two pairs of jeans at a time and wearing them until they disintegrate. The only thing standing between my inner thighs and the cold November air for the past couple of weeks has been a few worn out strands of stretch denim and I knew the situation was getting dire.
I looked at the skinny jean options at one major retailer when a salesperson asked if I needed any help.
“I see these are all low rise,” I said. “Do you have anything with a higher rise? Something that would contain a bit of a mom belly?”
“Oh. I don’t know if I’m supposed to say this,” she said, “But have you tried the maternity jeans?”
Here’s a heads up for current and aspiring retail clerks: If you don’t think you should say something, don’t say it. I want some pants to contain three kids-worth of muffin top. I haven’t given up entirely. I’m not quite ready to live full-time in buffet pants that are designed to accommodate a whole other human. I bought nothing.
So after the magic of Santa in an office tower the other day, I managed to sneak away for few minutes of shopping. First, I wandered through the Sears women’s department because if I can’t wear pants designed for 14 year olds then I need to start dressing like I’m 57 years old instead. This is how my brain works.
I finally looked around and realized I was the only person in the department without snow white hair and made a break for it. I landed in H&M and sadly noted that all the jeans and pants on sale were “low rise.” I made my way to the jeans section, expectations held in check, when I saw them. “Skinny High Rise Jeans.” Cue the angels singing.
I snatched up a pair in washed out blue and another in faded black and hit the fitting room. The angels were in full-blown party mode by this point. Jeans that were high enough to hold me together, forgiving enough to flatter and stylish enough to make me feel good about myself.
They were $50 and the one of the few things not on sale that weekend. I bought two pairs anyway.
Here they are. The best mom jeans out there as determined by my unofficial survey of two or three retailers:
Any other recommendations for post-baby jeans to share?