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Morning Delight

We are down to one breastfeeding session a day, Mary and I, and it’s first thing in the morning.

This is not ideal because mornings are usually always pretty freaking harried. Even though my other kids should be old enough to get dressed on their own and make their way downstairs, I find it’s usually necessary to stand over them with a sharp stick intermittently yelling and crying for them to just, for the love of all that is good and holy, put on your pants. So that’s what I do while Ed goes down to get breakfast and lunches made and then take them to the school bus.

The other day was especially bad. One kid was melting down because someone told him to do something that he was already about to do (the horror) and the other was rocking back and forth in a ball trying to get back to sleep and insisting she would not go to school. By the time I had yanked the last piece of clothing over her sweet, motherloving head and sent her down to breakfast, Mary was SCREAMING.

“My poor, poor baby,” I cooed. “Mommy’s sorry you had to wait. Mommy’s sorry. Let’s go have a snuggle in Mommy’s big bed.”

We lay down together and I settled in to enjoy these last days of breastfeeding. I basked in the peacefully quiet one-on-one time and the simple reassurance of the physical connection.

“Your diaper must be soaking wet,” I said, “Let Mommy take that off for you.”

I reached around and pulled off her heavily wet diaper and tossed it down the bed.  Ah. Wait. Is that?? Poo streaks I see on that diaper? But she never poops first thing in the morning. And I don’t smell a thing.

I quickly stuck my finger into the corner of her mouth to break her latch and abruptly interrupt our nursing session. Sure enough, there was a large, well-formed mound of ODOURLESS CRAP sitting on my freshly laundered sheets. You have to know just how infrequently I wash my sheets to fully comprehend how unbelievable this timing was. Lotto ticket purchase inducing.

The baby was not pleased. She started kicking and squirming and complaining very loudly. “JUST. DON’T. MOVE,” I said firmly. I had one hand on her chest and was trying to kick off the covers and sit up at the same time. And of course I had just done ten sets of burpees the night before for the first time in, oh I don’t know, EVER. My abs were screaming as I fought my way into a sitting position. Mary screamed even louder and then managed to step into the mound of odourless crap … with both feet.

I scooped her up and ran her to the tub (getting shit all over my freshly laundered pajama bottoms of course) and proceeded to wash the entire bottom half of her body with soap and water. “There we go, sweetie,” I said as we toweled off after the wash down, “That’s a nice, fresh, clean girl. Isn’t that better?”

And then I stuck her back into her crib and left the room. Yeah, she was pretty pissed.

I scooped up the poo, disposed of it and the dirty diaper, wiped off the excess, ground in crap on the sheet and put on some real pants.

AGAIN, I picked her back up out of her crib and whispered sweet lovelies into her ear. We lay down in the bed (this time on Ed’s side) and settled in for some more mother-daughter bonding. I can’t imagine that she’ll have any trust issues.

It’s a small miracle, though, that I remembered to change the sheet later that day. Let’s focus on that.

Image credit.

 

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Breastfeeding happens at the breast

So, breastfeeding.

There is always breastfeeding versus formula feeding drama on the internet, but I mostly stay out of it. I stay out of it because I don’t know that there’s anything more to say. Who doesn’t know that breastfeeding is your best first choice for baby feeding? Adding more voices to the chorus simply adds to the breastfeeding pressure mothers feel. Mothers like Casey from Moosh in Indy who says, “Can you imagine someone who suffers from dry eye syndrome being accosted for putting eye drops in their eyes? “Those have chemicals in them! THEY ARE UNNATURAL! What, are you so selfish that you can’t bother to cry your own tears?”

And of course we don’t mean it that way! Of course, we are only trying to promote a culture of breastfeeding support and acceptance. But women, emotionally fragile brand new mothers, are made to feel like they have somehow failed. They feel that way and they shouldn’t have to. So I tend not to say much.

Anyway, many of the people who do speak out in favour of breastfeeding rights and support do such a great job. They have got it covered. (Holla Annie PhD in Parenting, KellyMom and Blacktating just off the top of my head.)

But. You had to know there was a but coming. But today I do want to say something.

We really do have such a long way to go. It’s so easy to assume, having lived and breathed parenting and breastfeeding literature for over six years now, that the basics are common knowledge. I assumed, at least, that in a top-rated, state of the art labour and delivery ward in downtown Toronto, the L&D nurses would encourage breastfeeding immediately following an uncomplicated vaginal delivery. I didn’t expect them to advise the mother “to just bond” with her instead, as if bonding was not something that happens at the breast as well.

Nor did I expect a nurse from that same hospital (*cough cough* Mt. Sinai *cough cough*) to deem a mother’s nipples unacceptable and declare “this isn’t going to work” within 14 hours of a baby’s birth. Formula was introduced right away, no instructions were given about continuing to try to put the baby to the breast with every feed and the normal breastfeeding assistance everyone else received was bypassed because she was no longer breastfeeding. Less than 24 hours after the birth!

I didn’t expect a nurse at that same hospital to turn a breast pump up to high and then walk out of the room when my own newborn son was receiving light therapy for jaundice. I still cringe at the nipple trauma from my first-ever experience with a breast pump. And then every other nurse I dealt with (some of whom were fantastic) gave me conflicting advice.

There are evidenced-based facts about what measures help to promote and encourage a healthy start to breastfeeding. THIS STUFF ISN’T A MYSTERY. Every expectant mother shouldn’t have to read the Jack Newman Guide to Breastfeeding in order to know what these basic measures are. (Although I do recommend it.) The nurses should have read it. Every labour and delivery nurse should be trained in basic breastfeeding support and nobody should have to wait more than 24 hours to see a lactation consultant if they need one.

But, you know what? Stuff happens. There are flat nipples and inverted nipples and tongue ties that are missed because family doctors are not lactation experts either. There are stubborn babies and sleepy babies and babies who have been traumatized with deep suctions. There are emergency c-sections and preemies and breast aversions and some moms really just don’t have enough milk.

Sometimes breastfeeding doesn’t go as planned. Sometimes you can do everything right and it still doesn’t work — at least not right away. This is invariably exhausting. Emotionally and physically and psychologically, it is draining to spend almost every waking moment worrying about how you are feeding your baby (and then feeling guilty if you take an afternoon off). All new moms need support; new mothers that are struggling need extra support instead of breastfeeding pressure.

A common error is to try to make the mom feel better by telling her not to worry. Things like, “Well, the important thing is the baby is getting your milk,” or, “All that matters is that you tried,” come from the right place, but they don’t help. For a mom that is dealing with round-the-clock newborn feedings and then having to pump in between feedings, that is not all that matters. Is there anybody who ever set out to feed her baby breast milk from a bottle or a tube? Is that ever the end goal? No, it’s not. So let’s stop pretending that it’s an adequate substitution for the mother. (A well-loved, well-fed baby is going to do just fine regardless.)

That goes for doctors, nurses and hospitals too, by the way. There seems to be a general push for mom to start pumping as soon as any feeding difficulty is detected and then, so long as she is producing milk and baby is feeding, nobody is following up. Baby’s getting breast milk, right? That’s all that matters.

Well, for me, breastfeeding is about more than just the milk. It’s about more than just the bonding and togetherness, too. It’s about never having to wash a bottle. It’s about not knowing about the different kinds of bottle nipples. It’s about knowing that as long as my baby is with me, it will have everything it needs. Breastfeeding is about never having to plan (too far) ahead. It’s about lazy mornings in bed. It’s instant comfort for bumps and bruises, a sleep aid and a pacifier. Breastfeeding makes me feel better and calms raging postpartum hormones.

It also makes my hair continue to fall out. But did I mention the lazy mornings in bed?!

So let’s keep our eye on the real goal, medical profession and rest of society.

But if it really doesn’t work? If breastfeeding is not happening, for whatever reason, can we just let a poor woman feed her baby formula from a bottle without guilt trips and breastfeeding pressure? I mean, if she wants to keep pumping, by all means. But if formula can give her more time, more rest, more sanity — if it can make her a happier mom, then why shouldn’t she switch?

I know if I were to have another baby (hypothetically, puh-lease!) and was confronted with a killer tongue tie or some other insurmountable latching issue, I would switch in a heartbeat.

Who’s with me?

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Random Breastfeeding Tip #1

First, feed from one breast per feeding. This helps to make sure the baby drinks past the more watery (and gassy, green poo-inducing) foremilk and gets enough of the calorie-rich, creamy hind milk. I find it also helps to drain the breast completely when dealing with engorgement in the first week or two. It also means you always have an extra stash of breast milk you can dip into later during growth spurts or if baby ever just seems ridiculously famished. Of course, no two milk supplies are the same and some women might need to feed from both breasts every feed. You should take that up with someone who knows what they’re talking about. Because, I digress.

Here’s the real tip: Whether you feed from one or two breasts per feed, you’re going to need to alternate which breast to start with. That means that on top of waking up every couple of hours all night and juggling a constant feeding/diaper changing/napping routine all day, you need to somehow remember which bloody side you’re on. With my first baby I ran the gauntlet of such methods as switching a bracelet from one hand to the other, moving a pin from one bra strap to the other and other maneuvering of one-sided accessories. The problem with these is that you’re never quite sure if you remembered to make the switch last time. I wound up going with the tried-and-true double breast pat in which you try to feel which is the fuller breast. It worked okay, but it’s still not foolproof. (Sometimes a breast might be fuller because you’ve fed more often on that side thus upping the demand for production, so continuing to feed on that side would just exasperate the problem.)

With baby number two, though, I stumbled upon a truly brilliant technique. Take one of those breast pad things designed to keep you from leaking through your shirt. (It can be reusable or disposable, it doesn’t matter. I use disposable; stop judging.) Then, this is important, don’t peel off the sticker-backing strip. Tuck the pad into the bra cup on the side you will be feeding from next. This is the side that will be the fullest and from which you’ll be most likely to leak. Leave the other side padless. That’s right, we live life on the edge around these parts. Then, when you feed your baby, the pad will slip right out of your bra and you just pop into the other side. You can’t forget to do this because what the hell else are you going to do with that nursing pad, right?

I know. You’re welcome. I’m using this method for the second baby in a row now and I must admit it is true genius. Just don’t forget to swap in a fresh pad every day or so because, yeah, sour milk.

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Facebook Deletes Nursing Wear Page

Did you think Facebook didn’t need to #suckit anymore? You were wrong.

Momzelle is a successful, small, local Toronto business run by the sister-brother team of Christine and Vincent Poirier. They sell made-in-Canada nursing tops that are specifically designed to allow for comfortable and discreet breastfeeding. While Momzelle does have a small store-front location (1593 Dundas St. W.), the bulk of its business is in online sales. So of course it had a Facebook page to help promote the nursing wear and breastfeeding in general. The page posted positive quotes about breastfeeding and informative news links and boasted between 600 – 800 weekly readers and 1600 fans.  It also had pictures like this:

Christine received a form email from Facebook on Monday afternoon informing her that her page had been taken down for not following the rules. It either promoted heinous hatred, personal attacks, or obscenity. Christine promptly replied to the email stating that there must be some kind of mistake and filled out a complaint form. At the time of writing this post, 30 hours later, she had yet to receive a response.

So what gives? Clearly, there is nothing offensive or obscene about the kind of image posted on the Momzelle Facebook page. In fact, the entire point of the nursing wear is to allow women to breastfeed discreetly and not have to expose their breasts. Christine is confident that no actual person working at Facebook could have viewed her page and deemed it obscene. It must be that some Facebook users have reported the page as “sexually explicit,” she speculates, and that after a certain number of reports a robot automatically takes down the page. “I love Facebook,” Christine told me. “I advertise with them. I can’t believe this is a real Facebook decision.”

The struggle for Christine and Vincent now is twofold. They need to get Facebook to hear them and have an actual person review their page and hopefully have it reinstated. They also need to address the problem of broader acceptance of public breastfeeding. The fact that any number of people would report a page like that is mind boggling. It also goes to show that rejoinders that claim that women just need to cover up and be discreet are often false in themselves. The very idea of a baby suckling on its mother’s breast is enough to offend some people.

When she first got the email, Christine couldn’t help herself. “I felt so shamed, like I was told to get out of a restaurant.” Which is, of course, exactly what her product is designed to avoid.

257,747 (and counting) people have already joined the Facebook group Hey Facebook, breastfeeding is not obscene! (Official petition to Facebook). You should join too.

Update: Momzelle has a new Facebook page up and running now. They could sure use some more likes.

Update: Thanks to a influx of support, Facebook has reinstated the original Momzelle page.

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Breastfeeding Safe With Most Meds

Last week I wrote about needing to stop breastfeeding Irene due to a heavy-duty antibiotic I was prescribed. A couple commenters noted that most antibiotics are not counter-indicated for breastfeeding and that I should look into it. I did. The particular medication I am on and the duration for which I need to take it does pose a small, theoretical risk to Irene. Given that I had already stopped breastfeeding for two days before doing further research and that she seemed to be coping reasonably well I decided against resuming breastfeeding.

I would like to note, however, that many medications are safe to take while breastfeeding, even if they are not safe during pregnancy. Much more is able to pass from the mother’s blood through the placenta to the baby then is usually passed into breast milk. The baby then drinks the milk and is able to further process its contents through his own digestive system. Needing to wean your baby in order to treat most common infections is rare.

How can you find out if your medication is safe to take while breastfeeding? I’m glad you asked. Even if your doctor and pharmacist advise you stop breastfeeding, I urge you to check in with the following resources. Docs and pharmacists often get their information from the drug companies who mostly just want to cover their own asses. They can’t test their products on breastfeeding moms and babies, so they presume they are not safe.

  • Motherisk run by the Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto is a fantastic resource for pregnant and breastfeeding women. In addition to the information about drugs and toxins posted on its website, Motherisk has hotlines staffed by actual people who can answer all and any questions you may have. It is amazing.
  • LactMed is a searchable database of medications and their compatibility with breastfeeding hosted by the United States National Library of Medicine.
  • Kellymom.com is also a fantastic resource for breastfeeding and parenting in general with a lot of information about specific medications.
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Global Breastfeeding Challenge is ON!

I like to breastfeed and I like a good challenge. And I really, really like to win. So when I heard about the Global Breastfeeding Challenge taking place next Saturday I was all tell me more.

It turns out that a British Columbia-based non profit called the Quintessence Foundation has been organizing this breastfeeding awareness celebration since 2001. This year there are 234 sites registered to participate worldwide including Toronto.

Toronto Public Health and the Chinese/Vietnamese Breastfeeding Network have  joined forces to organize door prizes, information sessions, lunch and more.

How do you participate? Just go to the Rosedale School of Arts at 711 Bloor Street East (Castle Frank Subway) next Saturday, October 3, 2009. The challenge takes place between 10:30 a.m. – 1:30 p.m but you need to show up early to register between 9:30 a.m. – 10:30 a.m.

Why bother? It’s a fun way to celebrate breastfeeding and to connect with breastfeeding women around the globe, for one. More importantly, though, it’s a chance to be on a winning team. Toronto came in sixth place last year with 199 women feeding 200 babies, but I think we can do better than that! And did I mention the free lunch? And door prizes?

I plan on going and would love some company. If you are interested in joining me please let me know so we can meet up. Or just look for me there.

Of course, you can find out where your closest site is no matter where you live. This is not a Toronto-only event. But if too many of you do that Toronto might not win and I really, really want to win. So maybe spread out, k?

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Public Breastfeeding: Sex, Breasts, and Facebook

My mother breastfed all four of her children. And her mother before her, and so on. I am incredibly fortunate to have an unbroken tradition of breastfeeding in my family; and the support and understanding that comes with that tradition. Why, then, am I the first woman in my family to feel comfortable feeding my baby in public? To feed my baby at a cafe or a mall, on a bench or on some steps — wherever I am when my baby is hungry? Why did my mother duck into public bathroom stalls (can you imagine?!?) to breastfeed her babies? And what has happened since?

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A Quick Nip

DAILY SNACK

Lunch with a five month old:

She eagerly latches on, fingernails digging into skin, feet kicking. She takes two gulps, pulls off, and whips her head around. Back at the breast for 15 seconds this time and what’s that sound? Another pull from the ol’ nipple and who’s that over there? This time I’m holding her head steady while she grunts and strains and still escapes her feed. Finally, door closed, blinds drawn, and big brother placated by the t.v. she settles down to business.

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Breast Case Scenario

I breastfed Young C for just over 18 months and I am currently enjoying breastfeeding L’il I as well. My mother breastfed all four of us and I have always assumed that was the only way to go. (To this day I’m not quite sure if I know what I’m doing when feeding a baby from a bottle.) I have offered up tips and encouragement to new mothers struggling with latch or milk supply problems and I firmly believe that a successful breastfeeding relationship makes for a happy baby and happy mom.

Why then, when I started to read Hanna Rosin’s “The Case Against Breastfeeding” in this month’s Atlantic, did I feel a giddy kind of glee? Is it just my instinctively contrarian nature? The anticipation of an intelligent argument against the Holy Grail of motherhood being published by a prominent American magazine? Yes, that was undoubtedly a big factor. But there was more to it, too. I’d become a bit disillusioned with the pro-breastfeeding overkill that is dominant in cities like Toronto. There are mothers I know who can’t hold their babies for several hours a week because they are hooked up to elaborate milking machines. These women are so determined to do the right and “best” thing for their babies that they set their alarm to wake them up every three hours so they can pump and keep up their milk supply and then feed their babies defrosted breast milk from a bottle. There are mothers who feel incredible depths of shame and failure at resorting to formula when breastfeeding doesn’t work for them. Hell, I even felt personally responsible for Young C’s bout of newborn jaundice because he wouldn’t latch for one day and then my milk came in late. I had to feed him formula for a whole two days while my milk came in and was made to suffer the special kind of nipple trauma that only a hospital grade pump set to high can bestow. The hospital policy was if you supplement, you pump. No matter that he was feeding at the breast before I gave him the formula and that pumping would diminish the amount of colostrum he got. Women are made to feel like physically inferior mothers when they aren’t able to breastfeed. As one mom put it, “No wonder I have such a hard time conceiving; I can’t even feed my own babies.” Never mind the social stigma attached to choosing formula over breastfeeding. Surely the only people buying formula can’t be those who are unable to breastfeed for at least a few months? But I’ve haven’t met anyone else recently — or at least not anyone who admits to it.

Rosin’s article argues that the benefits of breastfeeding have been greatly exaggerated and distorted. The elixer-like claim to prevention that spans from ear infections to diabetes is tenuous at best. It is impossible for studies to fully control for the sociological factors associated with breastfeeding. Factors like education, class and race can have a great impact on the likelihood of contracting any number of diseases and, of course, on IQ scores. Yes, breast milk is better for babies than formula. But not as much as you think.

This comes on the heels of a New Yorker article that came out last month. In “Baby Food: If breast is best, why are women bottling their milk?”, Jill Lepore casts a critical eye at the state of breastfeeding in America. In a country where mothers are assured a whopping 12 weeks of unpaid maternity leave — compared to 50 weeks of parental leave at 55% of your income in Canada — the breastfeeding dialogue largely revolves around pumping. A baby-friendly company is one with a pumping room in which breastfeeding mothers can express themselves. Lepore argues that there is much more to breastfeeding than the milk itself and laments the medicalization of the breastfeeding relationship. I tend to agree; breastfeeding is about so much more than simply feeding my baby. It is about continuing a physical relationship and having a subconscious and instinctive response to her needs. It demands that I take the time to hold her and nurture her in the most physical way possible, no matter how busy I might be. It regulates my moods and is a constant source of comfort and security for my baby.

Taken together, the two articles suggest that it might be time for women to put down the pumps and breathe a sigh of relief. If you can’t breastfeed, that is too bad, but formula is almost just as good. Of course, if you want or need to be away from your baby, then the breast pump can no longer assuage your guilt. (But did it ever, really?) We still want to have it all: careers and babies and home-baked goodies. But however you slice it there are choices to be made and it would be nice to have all the right information. As Rosin says, “If the researchers just want us to lick and groom our pups, why don’t they say so? We can find our own way to do that.”

Still reeling from Rosin’s accessory argument that breastfeeding makes mom the de facto go-to for all things baby-related, daddytypes.com’s post, Shapely Science-Distorting Lactivists Annoy Pump-Hating, Stressed-Out, Guilt-Ridden, Haranguing Shrew, jumps right into the name-calling with both feet. Methinks he’s missing the point. How the science is presented and how it makes mothers feel is what determines whether or not they spend countless hours hooked up to milking machines. And it is what will fuel a push toward maternity legislation in keeping with the rest of the developed world.

(Image courtesy of The Patent Prospector.)