1. Pack up 3/4 of their toys and then cycle them back in so they don’t get tired of them.
Great! I just need to figure out where I shall send my kids for a week while I sort through and pack up toys according to three different and ever-changing gender or taste and age-range groupings and then hope they have no medium term memory whatsoever about that toy they never played with ever but must have RIGHT NOW since it’s been packed away. I need to build a storage unit for all of the boxes too while I’m at it and then padlock it against my children.
2. Make cleaning up fun!
Yes, let’s make a game out of it, shall we? We can play a tidy up song or set a timer or have a contest! That will work exactly no times on anyone over three years of age. (And if they are under three that means you are still doing it for them. Sorry.) Because picking up after yourself is a chore and you just have to learn to suck it up. I’m not coming up with new and fun ways of throwing crap in a bin multiple times a day and there are no winners. Live with it.
3. Get them to go shopping with you AND help prepare the meal!
The idea here is that if your children are involved in the process, then they will want to eat the final meal. The truth is that if your children are involved in the process it will take FOREVER and make your life MISERABLE. Plus it doesn’t always work. If you take solo grocery shopping away from me, what do I have left?
4. Spend 45 minutes practicing your Japanese knife skills while you pack their lunches! Every day!
I can’t even. This would last maybe a week around here, tops. And even if it lasted, what kind of precedent would I be setting? I’d be raising kids who need their lunch to look like freaking works of art. Eat your damn sandwich and peel your own banana, for crying out loud.
5. Feed picky eaters homemade muffins and fresh smoothies! Every day!
What? I am ALL FOR homemade muffins and smoothies but they are not a substitute for eating basic things like fresh fruit, bread or cereal. This is just feeding into your picky kids picky eating habits and wasting valuable time you could be spending doing the fifteen gazillion other things you need to do in a day.
6. That hot dog and spaghetti dish that keeps getting pinned.
Ew.
7. Activity bags in the car! For the soccer sidelines! Waiting rooms too!
image source: Better Homes and Gardens
Yes, I shall spend an afternoon packing up little travel kits of activities for the children and they won’t end up empty, the contents spilled out and strewn all over within a matter of minutes. Who are these children that play nicely and put everything back? I want one. Seriously, toss the stuff you’ll use in a bag on the way out the door and save yourself the cost of labels.
8. Organized baskets on every surface.
Oh, how badly I want this to work. Sadly, more storage in the way of boxes, bins, baskets and various other compartments is not an answer in itself. Stuff somehow still gets left out or, even worse, tossed willy nilly into whatever basket is handy. Baskets full of clutter is what I end up with.
9. Love notes in their lunches.
Sweet idea, but there is a very fine line between being old enough to read and being old enough to be utterly humiliated by a love note from your mom. It’s a very fine line.
10. Writing chores on Popsicle sticks.
Yeah, that’ll work.
11. Just ask for help!
You should totally do that as much as possible for the first three weeks after child birth. After that you’re on your own, sister. I mean, you’re the one who wanted kids!
12. The housework can wait!
Sometimes it really can’t. Like really.
13. Take a nap.
Stop punking me.
8 replies on “13 Parenting Tips That Can Bite Me”
These tips are probably meant for the moms who also have expensive white sofas.
Yes, and a household staff.
The hotdog and spaghetti thing is actually a really great idea for birthday parties. As someone who is in denial about the realities of hotdogs, it actually isn’t too bad.
Also, I still hold on to the notion that I can teach my kids to clean up and help.
But yeah, in general, these parenting tips can all bite me too.
I feed my kids both hot dogs and spaghetti, but there’s just something about the combo that is too much for me.
I was laughing, a lot, and then I realized that I actually do a bunch of these things. Gulp, sorry.
p.s. – no need to practice Japanese knife skills, just buy cute mini cookie cutters! watermelon cut in tiny hearts is adorbs! *ducks*
Haha. Better you than me! I have done most of these things at least a couple times but I just don’t see them as viable long-term solutions. Then again, the one kid I pack lunch for is incredibly easy going. We’ll see what heights of desperation I reach trying to feed the girls.
Yep, every one of those tips can bite me. I especially loathe the one about letting them shop and help prepare the meal. Tried both. They still hated the damned food. Sigh.
[…] my favourite, 48 Tricks Every Parent Should Know. And I should know better! I mean, I already wrote 13 Parenting Tips That Can Bite Me and the so-called useful advice that has come out since then has been crying out for a sequel. […]