Happy new (school) year. Here’s what it will look like.

 

Labour Day weekend is upon us. It’s a time to reflect on the coming new year. And, well, it’s going to go a little something like this. Sorry.

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September

Back-to-school! About time! The kids are driving me bonkers. We’re so ready for a fresh start. We’re going to nail it all this year: lunches and homework and chores, bring it.

October

Well, this year is a bust. Lunches are last-ditch scramble every morning, the new homework stations are a mess, laundry mountain is back, and what??? I’m supposed to be signing their agendas every day?

November

WHY IS THERE NO HOLIDAY THIS MONTH?! Screw it, I’m taking American Thanksgiving. My ancestors landed on Ellis Island.

December

“Just hear those sleigh bells jingle-ing. Ring ting tingle-ing too.” Keep up the joy. Keep it up. The holidays are fucking magical and you will stay up until 3am baking cookies to prove it.

January

The kids are back at school. You’re a new woman now. All the resolutions. This year for real! Just. So. Hungry. And sober.

February

Snot should not be able to freeze to the outside of faces. Why do we live here? It’s so cold. So, so, so, so cold. There’s no end to the snow pants. Wrestling kids into snow pants is now your life. It’s what you do. Just accept it. Suck it up.

March

Seriously?! Is spring never going to come? At least there’s March Break. Let’s staycation! We don’t need to travel to overpay for insanely crowded attractions and meltdowns on public transit.

April

Oh god, the school year’s almost over and have the kids even been doing their homework? You’ve been running on steam, pulled in a million different directions. There’s only one thing to do. You have to seize onto this one random math assignment and freak the hell out over it. You ARE a good parent.

May

Winter sports meet summer sports and now dinner is eaten in the car and lunches are stale crackers, raisins and that stray cheese string you found in the back of the fridge. Almost at the end.

June

Sob. I just need a break. I’m so done with the daily grind of homework, lunches, sports, music, laundry, dinner, repeat. We’re falling down at the finish line here.

July

What the hell. This new routine is STILL a grind: camp drop offs, more lunches, sunscreen, hats, water, and wet swimsuits.

August

What a great vacation. We didn’t sit still for a moment. I’m exhausted. And broke. And way behind on work. I need a vacation from my vacation. lololol

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