66-year-old Mom-to-be Raises More Questions Than Answers

There’s another prego senior in the news this week and the present is looking more and more like some sort of dystopian future. 66-year-old Elizabeth Adeney from England is eight months pregnant thanks to IVF treatments undergone in Ukraine. This is on the heels of the 60-year-old Canadian woman who gave birth to twins in February, and a handful of other 60-plus-year-old women carrying pregnancies to term. I was actually all set to rise to their defense. I had a whole spiel planned out where I lay into the mainstream media for trotting out these freak-show stories under the auspices of ethical concerns. Does anybody really care about the well-being of these families anymore than they care about the Jon and Kate sextuplets, a family of little people, or the outrageously obese of reality tv? Aren’t we really just interested in the spectacle of it all?

While all of that might be true, however, it doesn’t amount to much of an actual defense. These women are becoming mothers well into their sixties and it’s hard to imagine how they will be able to care for their children. I am thirty-years-old and sometimes wonder if my kids won’t run me right into the ground. And will an 80-year-old really stand a chance reigning in a willful teen? The numerous medical and practical roadblocks and the creepy franken-science behind these conceptions make me want to condemn it all.

But, then again. Did anyone condemn Pierre Trudeau for becoming a father (again) at the age of 72? (Maybe we should just stipulate that these women have young and vibrant husbands.) It is also common enough for grandparents to take over the child-rearing burden when the parents are unable. We commend those grandparents and the children seem no worse off for it. These women have been able to afford fertility treatments from the far reaches of the globe and are presumably in a position to hire as much help as they need. (I might be a more patient and caring mom, too, if I had a night nanny.) They’re also of retirement age and will likely be able to make up for the time they won’t be around later in life by staying home when the child is young.

I still don’t think it’s a good idea, but every time I try to throw down the gauntlet I can’t help but wonder, who the hell am I? I wanted children and I wanted to experience pregnancy and childbirth. I wanted my children to be the biological extensions of my husband and I, too. Of course, that was the easiest route for us. I really don’t know how far I would have pursued medical interventions if we’d had trouble conceiving. I don’t know how we would have fared during an adoption screening process, either. We were able to let nature take its course, have our babies and figure out the rest as we go along.

I like to think that we would have considered adoption sooner rather than later if we were unable to conceive. But there are so many fertility treatments available that I can see someone thinking I’ll just try these pills. So you give the pills a try and some time and then you think you’ll just try this next thing. You become invested. If you’re already in your late thirties (which is common), then it’s not long before you’re over forty and suddenly a bit old to be a good candidate for adoption. And while forty doesn’t seem too old to become a parent, sixty does. So where do we draw the line?

The more I delve into the ethical mess these elder-moms create, the fewer answers I have. If we refuse IVF treatment (which we do in most developed countries) for these moms, how do we decide what the limit should be? Britain’s The Daily Mail quotes fertility expert Severino Antinori, “I do not treat women older than 63,’ he said. ‘I don’t want the child to be left without a mother before they reach 20.” Doesn’t any age seem a bit arbitrary?

I’m also tempted to question the motivation of these women. Do they really just want to experience a pregnancy? They do need to use donor eggs at these advanced ages, after all, so the babies aren’t biologically theirs anyway. Have they always wanted children and this is their last chance? Is this another means of shrugging off the shakles of old age? I can still do this! Botox, facelift, IVF, and then tummy tuck. Is 70 the new 40? And does motivation even matter at all?

In any case, we do need to consider an international regulatory board to oversee ethical questions on a global scale. I know the WHO weighs in on these questions, but we need a organization that can wield authority.