Public Breastfeeding: Sex, Breasts, and Facebook

My mother breastfed all four of her children. And her mother before her, and so on. I am incredibly fortunate to have an unbroken tradition of breastfeeding in my family; and the support and understanding that comes with that tradition. Why, then, am I the first woman in my family to feel comfortable feeding my baby in public? To feed my baby at a cafe or a mall, on a bench or on some steps — wherever I am when my baby is hungry? Why did my mother duck into public bathroom stalls (can you imagine?!?) to breastfeed her babies? And what has happened since?

What has happened is that breastfeeding has finally emerged as the cultural norm for infant nourishment. In both the US and Canada the trend is for more than 75% of women to breastfeed their newborns. The numbers start to drop off after the first couple of months, of course, but at least the majority of women are trying. That means that by the time I had my first baby here in Toronto, it was not unusual to see women breastfeeding in restaurants and parks. At family gatherings a nursing mom would keep chatting, not missing a beat, as her baby latched on and began to feed. Naturally, I followed suit. I was astounded, then, to learn that there are still parts of North America where women are asked to cover up or leave an establishment to feed their baby.

I then began to realize that many, many people right here in Toronto are uncomfortable around public breastfeeding. A lactating mother of two confessed her disbelief when she had to express her milk because her baby was in hospital. While using the hospital pumping facilities another mom walked in and “flashed” her when she, too, began to pump. And many young well-meaning men and women who would never go so far as to ask a nursing mom to cover up, don’t understand why they can’t be more discreet. One new mom asked me, “What do you use for cover?” Huh? I didn’t even get the question at first

Sometimes I’ll drape a receiving blanket over my shoulder, I guess, if I’m feeling particularly modest, or if my baby is easily distractable, but I usually don’t even bother with that. Partly for my own comfort and convenience — I like to be able to see my baby feeding, after all. But partly, too, to help promote a culture of breastfeeding. People simply aren’t used to seeing babies feed at the breast in North America. They are used to seeing all manner of swollen bosom bursting forth from teeny tiny tops and paraded around by sexy young things across the pop culture spectrum. (No nipples, of course, that would be obscene. Come on.) They are used to breasts as sex objects, and the sight of breasts as nourishment is unsettling. I get that. At least, I think I do.

I don’t, therefore, aggressively flaunt my breasts while feeding my baby. I take measures of discretion appropriate to the situation. There is not much good to be gained from purposely shocking an elderly person, after all. In general, however, I expose just as much as myself as is needed to feed my baby and don’t worry about how that makes other people feel. I hope that if more mothers do the same nobody will look twice (except out of admiration) at the sight of my daughter breastfeeding her babies.

Showing how far we have to go, is the fracas over breastfeeding photos being banned on Facebook that has recently resurrected itself. While continuing to disallow breastfeeding pics that show any nipple, Facebook is now under fire for allowing Holocaust denial groups.

The Queen of Spain succinctly captures the majority view of the mommy blogosphere:  “As a breastfeeding mother I want to see Facebook be consistent in the way it implements it’s TOS. As someone disgusted by Holocaust denial groups, and other hate groups, I am appalled they are allowed to remain while photos of me feeding my daughter are removed.”

I am a huge proponent of freedom of speech and I would argue all day and night for the legal right of venom-spewing Holocaust deniers and their ilk to say and print whatever the hell they want. Any private enterprise, however, has the right to limit and restrict their space however they see fit. And if Facebook allows such low-level hate mongers to congregate and rev each other up, but cannot stand up for the rights of mothers to share breastfeeding photos (is that an areola?!), then that is truly disgusting.

(Image courtesy of blmurch at Flickr.)