Nameless Home Test Works Just Fine Thanks

There are certain commodities that make a sucker out of us all. Faced with an array of intimate hygiene products, over-the-counter medications, or even batteries, we tend to shy away from the cheapest option. Maybe we don’t go for the dearest choice either, but the disparity itself makes us suspicious. So when I went to my local independent drug store for a home pregnancy test (hpt), I very nearly spent more than twice as much money as I needed to.

The unbranded One Step Pregnancy Test pictured above sold for a mere $5. There was a Rexall brand for a couple dollars more and both Clearblue and Clearblue digital for a lot more. The only other hpt I’ve used is the Shopper’s Drugmart Life Brand test and even that costs about $10 a test. I know that the only difference between tests is the sensitivity, and I was pretty sure that there isn’t necessarily a correlation between cost and sensitivity. Unfortunately, the tests themselves do not list the exact amount of HCG (ie. the pregnancy hormone) needed to trigger a positive result. So you can either scour the internet for lists of tests and their corresponding sensitivities (many of which are not even sold in Canada) or call the number on the box. Standing in the store with an antsy toddler I decided to give the cheapo test a go.

I have since developed a rationale for my decision, and thereby declare expensive pregnancy tests a waste of money. The way the pregnancy tests work, you see, is by detecting the presence of HCG in your urine. If it’s there you’re pregnant, and if it’s not you’re not. False positives are almost impossible (excepting certain rare medical conditions and medications), so any test that is positive will certainly be right. A negative result, however, may not be accurate because there needs to be sufficient levels of HCG to be picked up by the test. It could be too early, in other words. And this is how they get us. All kinds of tests advertising early detection and clear results tug at our purse strings. The thing is, HCG does not even begin to be produced until implantation occurs between one and two weeks after ovulation. So even if your test is extremely sensitive (and remember there’s little correlation between cost and sensitivity), you will not be able to trust a negative result until you’ve missed your period anyway. Once HCG is being produced, however, levels rise exponentially and even the least sensitive test will detect a pregnancy by one or two days after a missed period. And, really, how clear do the results need to be? I cannot imagine needing a digital reading on a pregnancy test.

On the day after my period was due, then, I peed on my no-brand hpt stick (manufactured at the same place as Clearblue, by the way) and almost immediately got a dark, clear, unmistakable positive. I’m pregnant! That was a week ago and it still hasn’t sunk in. I’ve since confirmed with my doctor and my incredible dopiness also bears witness to my surging hormone levels.

One last thing. If you’ve stumbled upon this post in a desperate, achy-yearning for any glimmer of early pregnancy symptoms, welcome. I hope you find yourself with child in the very near future, but know that there are no signs. I’ve been getting my period for 17 years and this is my second pregnancy and there is simply no way to differentiate between early pregnancy symptoms and PMS. As soon as you test positive, of course, the symptoms will start to snowball and you can look back and say, “Oh, that’s why I’ve been so hungry all weekend. And that’s why I started to cry over a lost bus ticket.” But there’s really no way of knowing if you just happen to be a little hungry and maybe it’s just PMS emotions. So stop obsessing and peruse my other non-pregnancy-test posts, and just wait another week or so.

It really is a small miracle of modern science that we are able to diagnose a pregnancy so easily and reliably. Thank god we don’t have to keep frogs anymore. Here’s some more history; it’s pretty interesting.