Sometimes I get emails from readers asking me stuff. If there’s one thing this blog makes clear, however, it’s that I’m basically winging this whole parenting thing. I’m not an expert. I have no degrees in anything remotely useful (for parenting or anything, really) and if you take the number of children yelling at me at any given time, multiply that by the pounds of toys strewn across my floor and divide by pi, you’ll see that I’m often wrong.
The other thing this blog shows, though, is that I’m full of opinions. So yeah, let’s bring it.
Hi Rebecca,
Here’s a posting a lady left in a Facebook group.
“To the Father i just caught leaving his baby in the car while he went into [a coffee shop] …I’ll shame you here on line too!!! Unbelievable, that you would think a coffee is more important than your child’s safety…You’re response was that you were in there for 13 seconds…well buddy, that was more than enough time for me to see the child alone in the back seat, notice that the doors were unlocked and walk into [the coffee shop] and call out 3 times “did anyone leave a baby in a car”, walk back out, turn the corner try [another] door …and your second comment “are you serious”, as if I\m over reacting to your poor choices…Listen here Buddy…I would have had enough time to snatch your kid, it’s doesn’t take long…like I said on the street, “you’re lucky I don’t have my cell on me…” Make better choices next time, you’re lucky this time…this villager was watching out!”
I’ve left my kiddo in the car like 100 times to run into a store for a coffee, to the bank machine, to the bakery. I did lock the car and I don’t consider myself a bad mom. I don’t dare respond to this posting because I’m sure i’ll be chastised as a bad. WTF.
East TO Mama
Dear East TO Mama,
I don’t know about you, but I always respond well to strangers screaming at me in public places and then proceeding to publicly shame me on the internet. I can’t tell you how many valuable parenting tips I’ve picked up from people on the street telling me, “That child should be wearing a hat!” Or,”I think your baby’s hungry.” On the internet, I’ve been enlightened by refreshingly blunt strangers about my subconscious desire to make my husband jealous by breastfeeding my baby in public (I really had no idea!) and about how I have no shame when I seek attention for myself by telling stories on the internet (that, I knew.)
So if the father in question wasn’t already deeply grateful for the wisdom and support offered by “this villager,” I’m sure that Facebook posting will bring him to the brink of tears. I, for one, cannot think of a better way she could have handled the situation. Waiting near the car for a couple minutes and then gently explaining to the father when he returned that she was worried about the baby would have been too underplayed, for sure. NOT posting about the incident on Facebook in order to maximize the number of parents who could learn from her would have been downright irresponsible.
As far as leaving your kid in the car for a couple minutes goes, I don’t know. It’s such a case-by-case judgement call. I’ve totally done it. My personal rules call for me to be within eyeshot of the car. (So I can see nosey strangers before they call 911.) Obviously, you should lock the doors and return within five minutes. Kids should also be retrained in car seats or old enough to be trusted not to open the doors and get out of the car. *cough, cough* Or so I hear from a “friend.”
One last point about extreme weather, though. Last summer we had a couple prominent tragedies involving babies being left in cars for hours on end and dying from the extreme heat. I wrote about this at iVillage.ca and it’s worth a read to better understand that phenomenon. (The link goes to the Google cache because the page doesn’t seem to be working.) It’s important to note that in those cases of babies and toddlers being forgotten in cars, the parents and guardians didn’t leave them to run into a store. They didn’t accidentally take several hours in the grocery store or mall. Usually, it’s a case of the parents or guardians misremembering that the baby is in the vehicle at all. It’s almost always during a departure from their usual routine and the parents assume their baby is somewhere else — at daycare, home, etc. In some cases, I believe, there has been gross negligence involving alcohol abuse, drug abuse or gambling. But nowhere have I heard of anybody who has run into the bank, dry cleaner or coffee shop and then forgotten about their baby.
I’m stressing this point because I noticed there were suddenly all kinds of news stories on the police being called to investigate parents who had left their children (even older children) in the car for a few minutes here and there. There was obviously a lot of concern in the public at large and people were worried. I get that. But a heated or air conditioned car is not likely to become dangerously hot or cold within a few minutes. In all likelihood, the parent or caregiver will be back in just a couple minutes and the child is fine. If the parent doesn’t return shortly, then by all means, call the police. I just don’t think turning well-meaning parents into criminals (in real life or in the public court of Facebook) should be our first go-to move.
And, you know, when my grandmother was raising six children in the 1950s, she would routinely leave a baby napping in a carriage on the sidewalk while she ran into a store — everybody would. Our streets might not be quite so teeming with would-be baby nappers as some people might have you believe.
Still, do yourself a favour and keep that baby within eyeshot.
xo
Rebecca
3 replies on “I never thought you’d ask: Babes on wheels”
I agree with you, Rebecca. The same rule applies here too…if I can see the vehicle and I’m only going to be a minute, then they can stay (assuming they aren’t completely freaking out about me leaving for some reason). I would usually lock the doors and then use the remote start to run the AC or heat too….
My kids are older now (5&8) and I will sometimes leave them for a few minutes even when I can’t see them (returning WAY overdue library books, for example). We’ve discussed what they can do if someone approaches the vehicle, etc. I can hardly wait for the day when I come back to find some well meaning person being deafened by the horn honks and my screaming children. :)
I also think that it is all about common sense and being reasonable. People need to realize that their comfort level with leaving their kids unattended might be much different than that of another parent. Hang back and keep an eye on the situation if you are concerned. If mon/dad returns and all is well, then carry on with your day.
Yes. I really don’t see how it’s more dangerous than letting them wander into the kitchen when you’re in the other room.
I’ve left my kids sleeping in the car in my semi-private lane (shared with 8 houses) in my urban neighbourhood , while I’ve done things like : take in the groceries, weed the back garden , get dinner started … Because really , sometimes they need to finish that nap, and I am in ear-eye shot, and I trust my neighbours. Would I do that off my own property , or if the car was parked on my street , or at mall — probably not. But I am glad that I have the confidence, and the option, to let them sleep uninterrupted at those times that I’ve needed to.