So how did the first week of school go, you ask. How was the first week of lovingly and thoughtfully packed lunches for your middle child, the likes of which your first born has never seen? Could have gone better, I’d have to say.
Here, I wrote down a few lyrics about it. I really wanted to make this into a video, but it turns out that my only two skills are cracking inappropriate jokes and scoring free lunches. Sadly, neither of those skills is useful for producing a quality video. Nor will they help me learn how to carry a tune.
So, you’re on your own.
On the first day of school, my own mom gave to me
Seven-cheese tortellini, green pepper strips, two slices of salami
And locally grown concord grapes.
I said it was too smelly.
On the second day of school, my own mom gave to me
Greek-style pasta salad, nitrate-free sliced turkey, Ontario peaches
And a blueberry Nutri-Grain bar.
But she forgot to pack a fork.
On the third of school, my own mom gave to me
More greek-style pasta salad, half a veggie sandwich, one Ontario peach
And another bloody Nutri-Grain bar.
But I didn’t have time to eat.
On the fourth day of school, my own mom gave to me
A baba gannouj and cucumber sandwich, sweet cherry tomatoes, crisp green beans
And an over-ripe Ontario peach.
And I dropped it all on the floor.
This child is going to drive me to Hello Kitty-shaped sandwiches and strawberry hearts. If that happens, just send over a loaf of Wonder Bread and some tuna salad and check me into a “spa retreat” for a little while.