Parents these days are the worst.
Ask anybody. I hear it everywhere.Ā I’ve smiled and nodded more times than I can count while some old lady corners me in an elevator to tell me how horrible the other parents are. I’ve heard it from other parents, read it in opinion columns in the newspaper, listened to talk radio hosts go on about it, and now I’ve heard it fromĀ Dr. Sax, the prominent child psychologist who was the main source in Maclean’s The Collapse of ParentingĀ feature last week.
Hell, I’ve even said it myself because enough with the neverending snacks already and maybe your three-year-old should just wear the coat you already bought her. Oh come on, you’ve done it too. “The way that mother lets her child speak to her!” “Can you believe what those parents let her wear to the dance?” I hear you.
But sweeping statements that belittle an entire generation of parents are so completely … what’s the word? Oh yeah, boring. There’s no better way to make yourself sound like an old, out-of-touch, fogey than to start wagging your finger at all the generations that come after you.
This is especially funny coming from the baby boomers because weren’t they all hippies? They were the ones who grew up preaching brotherly love, independent thought, breaking away from the system and doing away with stuffy, old formalities. So when people say that parentsĀ these days —Ā my generation of parents — are basically huge pushovers compared to the generation before them, I honestly don’t know what they are talking about.
Of course it’s fair to examine and even criticize particular parenting beliefs and practices, especially when they are widely embraced. But it doesn’t follow that those practices reflect an entire way of life. Dr. Sax, for example, repeatedly talks about parents giving their children too much power when it comes to food in the Maclean’s article. He says parents give their children too much choice, plead and bargain with them to eat their veggies, and tend to turn consequences like “no dessert if you don’t eat your broccoli” into bribes that promise them dessert if they’ll only just eat two bites. This may or may not be a good criticismĀ of how some parents fail to feed their kids healthy food but it’s hardly indicative of a entire generation of parents having their authority usurped by chicken finger-wielding brats. And the further claim that this has led to an epidemic of childhood obesity conveniently leaves out the fast food industry, the prevalence of HFCS/glucose-fructose, and the broader cultural trends that makeĀ us all need more exercise.
In fact, I’m not sure there has ever been a generation of parentsĀ more concerned with feeding their kids healthy food. The importance of a healthy diet is widely touted and books, magazine articles, blogs and Pinterest accounts that provide tips and recipes to make healthy food appealing to kids are insanely popular. There’s nothing remotely new about kids who don’t want to eat there vegetables. The “sit at the table until you do” approach may result in fewer desserts being eaten (and certainly more dogs being fed broccoli under the table), but I’m not convinced it actually accomplishes much more than further entrenching a deep dislike for whatever it is the kid’s supposed to be eating.
And can we stop plucking examples of how parents are failing from random observations in public places? I know we’re supposed to be 100% consistent when applying rules but I’m usually too busy being 100% human and flawed. Sometimes you just need to get through the moment, and when that moment is the exception rather than the rule (eating at a nice restaurant, for example) it hardly makes you an entire pushover
For most casual critics, I think it’s a case of their memories being fuzzy and their eyebrow-raising reflex all too sharp. It’d be nice if they’d hone their compassion and sympathy triggers instead. But, honestly, I’d be happy if they’d just mind their own business.