This past couple months have been awful for sicknesses around here. It seems like everyone I know has had various bugs and viruses run through their homes, one after another. I don’t think I’ve had a week without at least one child staying home from school for a day or two in over two months.
Early spring often seems to brings out the germs. And every year I hear complaints from parents online and in person about people sending their kids to school sick and spreading the sicknesses. I’ve even received notes home from teachers reminding parents to keep kids home if they are sick.
Even more heartbreaking this year, is that I’ve heard of a couple mothers who passed away after suffering from complications related to the flu. My heart goes out to those families and, on a more selfish level, it reminds me to prioritize my own health as well.
But, honestly, it’s not that easy to just “keep your kids home if they’re sick.”
If my child has a fever, has thrown up in the past 24 hours, seems lethargic, or tells me they are feeling sick, sure, I keep them home. But what if they have a niggling cough or a runny nose? My four-year-old is the kind of kid whose nose runs for weeks on end every winter. It just does. If I kept her home whenever she had signs of a cold, she’d miss months and months of school.
And when are we supposed to do these daily health assessments? Each morning is a flurry of cajoling sleepy kids out of their beds, convincing them to get dressed, making them breakfasts and lunches, and hurrying everyone out the door. Every day, I ask my four-year-old: “How do you feel? Are you sick?” And every day she blows her nose, and tells me she feels fine. My ten-year-old has complained of stomach aches, only to spend the day watching TV and asking what’s for lunch.
Parents are making these calls on the fly, as they try to get busy families out the door, weighing their own work priorities and their kids school commitments against the level of sickness they detect. Is there an important meeting? Is it exam time? How many days have you already missed? Does the child likely have a more serious contagious illness like strep throat or the stomach flu or is just a cold? And, honestly, if your child already has that cold, hasn’t it already been spread around the class?
I don’t know!
This is all to say that I have mostly been feeling guilty every single day for months. If I keep one kid home, but send his sisters to school because they’re fine, might they possibly be contagious even if they’re not yet sick? But often they don’t get that illness at all! If my kids seems fine in the morning, but tired in the evening, were they sick? Or just tired? And those days when I do keep them home, or if I’m sick myself, (which has been a lot!) are days I hardly get any work done.
So I guess my general point is that in the absence of clear signs of abuse and neglect, maybe we can just trust that parents are doing their best. Don’t send notes home reminding parents to keep sick kids home. Don’t post inflammatory comments on social media scolding parents for spreading viruses. Because I really can’t take much more guilt.
2 replies on “Too sick for school? Who knows.”
I disagree. To me , It is inappropriate to send sick kids to school. A child with runny nose for a few months in a row needs to see a doctor. But employers should be supportive of parents taking a sick day to care for sick kids. It doesn’t seem ok I’m many workplaces. Many things need to change before we treat our children and ourselves in a more humane way.
I completely agree! My 4 year old has a special needs assistant that goes to school with him every day. He is also the kid who’s runny nose goes on for weeks. On one occasion we were told he had a runny nose and not to bring him back to school in until he had gone 3 days without a single sign of a cold. Then when we called the specialists and said I’ll let you know in 3 days if he’s better she told us that he was missing too much school and should come tomorrow. We as parents can’t win. A few months later the teacher informed us that she had different rules than the special needs assistant and he was welcome to come to school with a runny nose. Again how do we decide what is right?