We were at a local historical attraction — a staged “pioneer village” where buildings from the 1800s have been moved to create a facsimile of a pioneer community. There were five adults and five children, including my own three kids.
This was just this past weekend.
On our way to get ice cream from the snack bar, the kids asked if we could stop at the village meeting hall. Sure. So we went in through the back door and they all took turns standing at the pulpit at the front of the hall and calling everyone to order.
I decided it was time to move on and called out for my kids to follow me out the front door. My ten-year-old and seven-year-old walked outside with me and then I looked back in through the open door to make sure the four-year-old was on her way.
That was when I saw her leave through the back door instead.
I wasn’t worried. I told my big guys to wait where they were and trotted around the building to find her. It wasn’t even busy, after all, and I was sure I’d spot her right around the corner of the small, one-room building.
She wasn’t there. Huh. She must have walked back around to the front. She was probably with my mom or my aunt or my cousin or his wife or her big brother and sister. So I cut back through the building — faster this time — to make sure she hadn’t wandered back in, but entirely expecting to find her at the front.
“Is Mary here?”
“No!”
“I can’t find her. I saw her walk out through the back door and now I can’t find her.” I could barely spit out the words before I was off, full-on running now.
“Mary!”
“Mary!”
“Maaaarrrrryyyy!”
I was back behind the building, calling then screaming out her name. I ran even further, across the dirt village road and onto the wooden sidewalk beyond. My eyes desperately scanned the horizon as far as I could see. No Mary.
I was frantic now.
As I started running back toward the meeting hall, wondering how far she could’ve gone, an employee caught up with me. I was describing her and what she was wearing through gulps of breath when I finally saw her of in the distance. She was with the rest of my family.
She had gotten lost and wandered off the other way. She was looping her way back, close to tears herself, when my cousin’s wife found her.
Mary was missing for less than five minutes. She was in my sight and then she was suddenly gone in the blink of an eye. And this is only one of a dozen or more stories I could tell about children slipping away and the panic that grips you in the few minutes before they are found.
The good news is that there isn’t a predator waiting behind every door. Most people are good and I’ve seen strangers band together to help track down a child.
It takes a village, they say. But, more and more, I find myself wondering, “Where the fuck is the village?”
As I ran around in a blind panic, screaming my child’s name, not one person other than the pioneer village employee offered to help. People stopped to gaped, gripped their own kids harder, and then continued on their way.
On the very same day that I momentarily lost track of my own four-year-old, a mother at the Cincinnati Zoo lost track of hers. Her attention was averted just long enough for the boy to scamper over a fence and drop into the gorilla enclosure. Zoo officials then had to kill a beautiful, highly endangered, 450-pound adult male gorilla in order to save the child’s life.
It was a terrible and tragic accident. But they had to shoot the gorilla to save the child. I don’t believe any credible expert has argued otherwise.
BUT WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE VILLAGE?
You know what people are saying on the internet? They are saying they should have shot the mother instead.
They should have shot the mother instead. Let that sink in.
Hold on tight, fellow parents, because the village has turned against you.
Was there nobody else who could have stopped the four-year-old from climbing over the fence? There are certainly many witnesses eager to tell you their versions about whether or not the gorilla was protecting or threatening the child. Where were they? And how exactly DOES a four-year-old even gain access to a gorilla enclosure at all, Cincinnati Zoo?
At the very least, can we not have some sympathy for a parent who turns her attention away from her child just for a moment? Or maybe it was a few moments. Maybe she was even on her (gasp) phone!
But I promise you. One moment is all it takes.
9 replies on “Where the fuck is the village?”
Well said! I couldn’t agree more. It’s so easy for them to slip away, especially when they have intent, as I have heard that four year old did. I too, have been feeling sad about that story, but was unsure how to put it into words – you hit on what has been bothering me so much about this!!
There seems to be more and more a general malaise when it comes to speaking up, joining in, or helping. Most people it seems would rather be passive observers, and perhaps it’s a youtube culture that has made us all sit back a little longer and watch to see what happens instead of acting on our impulse to help, but I’m still the mom that runs over to see if that little boy riding his bike by himself is okay when he topples and his parents are nowhere in sight, and I hope I can instill in my children that stepping in, stepping up, and helping others in need is always the right thing to do. Thank you for helping put this in perspective with your usual aplomb! :D
Such a good point about intent. I’ve had kids who will run off to get into trouble as soon as they spot a window of opportunity and one who would always just stay by my side. They are all born with their own preprogrammed personalities.
It has happened to every parent one time or another, and if a parent says it hasn’t, he/she is lying. Whether for a split second at the toy store, or the park, the panic that takes over is unbearable.
Yes! Who are these parents who say they’ve never lost track of a kid for even a second?
Years ago during our family’s one and only visit to Marineland, we were walking along a long stretch of pathway from one attraction to another, when amid all the crowds of people I spotted a young girl, maybe 5 years at most, walking on her own with tears streaming down her face. I made a beeline over to her, and asked if she was okay. “I lost my mommy!” she sobbed. I asked her a few questions and determined her mom had gone off with a brother in the direction she was walking. But at the time she got lost she’d actually been with her dad off in the opposite direction. “I think we need to go back to where you were. That’s where your parents will expect to find you.” So we turned and walk, walked, walked…for over 5 minutes we walked and didn’t pass a single park employee to ask for help. We did, however, pass many other visitors and it boggled my mind that not one person before me had tried to help her. We finally found dad, sitting outside the girls’ washroom, probably wondering what was taking his daughter so long in there. Happy ending, yes, but it still bothers me that so many people walked by that little kid in distress and never paused to help her. Then again, maybe on another day if I’d been distracted by other things I might have too. We do have to do a better job of being a village.
What a heartwrenching story. And it’s also a great reminder for us all to be better villagers too. Thanks for sharing.
It’s AWFUL! People are saying they should have shot the child instead too. I was wondering the same, where is the support? Why are people so quick to blame the mother instead of supporting each other. It is so frustrating!
It is horrible. Casting blame won’t bring back the gorilla.
I don’t really want to be out at a park or public place having to look after the well being of other people’s kids. I took my niece to the park and she was on the slide, one kid starts to hang off the slide…parents sitting on bench drinking coffee but don’t run over saying that is dangerous don’t do that. I had to help her down. If you are the guardian of a child and you take them out, look after them. I know kids can run off in the blink of an eye but it seems more and more I am pushing my niece on a swing and I have to look out for other kids too and make sure they are safe. I see kids running around Chapters with parents nowhere around. There has to be balance here where when you take your child some where you don’t think others are going to watch them.