I hear it’s engagement season. By which, of course, I mean I read it on Jezebel.
I can only imagine how hard times like this must be in the brave, new era of social media. Back in my heyday, you could enjoy months of blissful ignorance before hearing about your ex’s engagement to that skinny bitch from work. You only had to deal with your good friends lording their diamond-laden fingers over you while you were actually with them. And you could honestly not give a shit about casual acquaintances because you never had any idea what they were up to and we were all better for it.
But rather than pine for a time that has come and gone, it’s far better to to take a page out of the sour grapes playbook and think to yourself, “Better her than me.”
Here you go: The “I don’t want to get married and start a family anyways,” guide to why you are over the moon about being not engaged this year. Take it from me: I got married at 23 and now I have three kids.
1. Everything about him instantly becomes annoying. There is no bigger downer on a relationship than realizing you have to live with this guy’s inability to recap a tube of toothpaste for the rest of your life, so help you god. You do.
