DAILY SNACK
Emma Waverman told me not to take the kids shopping.
***
I needed a new pair of jeans,
And there was simply no way I could maneuver the stroller
Down the narrow aisle where the middling sizes were hanging.
So I parked the stroller near the end of the rack,
And told Colum to look in the mirror and make funny faces with his sister.
I edged my way to the middle of the row of pants,
And looked up to see my kids.
Okay.
One pair of dark wash jeans and another one size up to try on.
Got ’em.
I look up and … no kids.
Okay, stay calm.
Colum probably just pushed the stroller around the corner.
“Colum. Colum. COLUM. COLLLLLUUUUUMMM!!!!”
As far as the eye can see,
Row upon row of racks of clothes.
They could be anywhere.
An employee tells me she saw them in the toy section.
I look around.
Where the hell is the toy section?
I am in the middle of the store and the toys are in the far corner.
How could they have gotten all the way over there?
I run over anyway and see other kids — not mine.
Now they could be anywhere.
I rush back to the middle of the store and now we’re playing by my rules.
“COLUM! COLUM!”
“I’M MISSING A FOUR YEAR OLD AND A ONE YEAR OLD IN A STROLLER!”
“HAS ANYONE SEEN MY KIDS?!”
The sales lady tells me to stay calm, we’ll find them.
Fuck you, I think, and push past her.
It’s not even that I’m panicking exactly.
Not yet, anyway.
It has still been under five minutes that they’ve been missing.
These are precautionary measures.
Because I dare you to make off with my kids while I’m yelling bloody murder in the middle of the store.
I dare you to walk out with a four year old and a one year old in a stroller when every other person knows they’re mine.
Immediately, another shopper calls out that they are in the toy section after all.
“I told you they were there,” chides the sales lady. “There was no need to panic.”
Oh, I’m sorry. Did I upset your customers with my MISSING CHILDREN?
But I say nothing.
***
The good news is that I didn’t leave with anything I hated after all.
2 replies on “Lost in Winners”
I once lost my 18-month old at an Old Navy in Florida. A few minutes later, a salesperson found her wandering towards the front door. It had been a matter of too many adults thinking someone else was watching her. If I ever question my obligations as a mother (like when I just want to sit on the couch instead of doing a puzzle), I conjur up the moment I discovered she was missing.
Oh yeah, there’s nothing like a missing child (or two) to put things in perspective.