Not Winning Here, Losing

My Friday night plans: sit back with a hot cup of tea and my dad’s new book which is dedicated to me and which I haven’t read any part of. This is the first time since I was a child that I haven’t read, re-read and proofread the entire manuscript multiple times. Something to do with a toddler and a newborn, I’d imagine. And here I had an entire evening set aside just to read the book.

I can’t find it. I can’t find the blasted book. No, I don’t remember where I put it and yes, I’ve looked everywhere. Ed last saw Irene carting it around, so I ran up to her cribside just as she was falling asleep to ask where it was. “On the floor,” she answered. “Where on the floor?” “In our kitchen.”

Of course, a book is not likely to stay on the kitchen floor for any length of time. But I do remember seeing it pushed up against the bottom of the cabinets. I think I picked it up and … and … put it somewhere? I would have been preparing some sort of meal, so I might not have actually put it anywhere that makes sense. I might have just tossed it onto the dining room table. In which case, the kids may have gotten to it again. It is their grandfather’s book, you know. What better to shove into one of the half dozen bags you’re currently stuffing with all your worldly possessions and dragging all over the house? I mean, ahem, packing for a camping trip or a sleepover or going shopping with.

So I looked on all the available book-stashing surfaces that I could have laid it on. It’s not on the fridge, the washer, the dryer, in the kitchen drawers, in the pantry. It’s not on the buffet or in the buffet. It’s not on any of the bookshelves or on my bedside table or even in the bathrooms. Next up, the kids. The book is not, I repeat, in any drawer or in any shopping bag or child’s suitcase. It’s not on their bookshelves or in the toy stove. It’s not under either couch or armchair, behind the TV or in their bedroom. It’s not anywhere is the problem, you see.

But it must be, it must be! It’s too late to make much headway into the book now, in any case, so I’ll let it go. Tomorrow I’ll pick Colum’s brain and hope for better results. And if worst comes to worst, I’ll clean.

Here’s what it looks like. Just in case you’ve seen it around: