Pencil This In

Routine. The word has connotations of rigid time lines and endless drudgery. But that’s just me, I know. For many people routine means order and predictability. It means comfort and stability. And for kids it is absolutely necessary.

It’s true. Even as a newborn Colum ate and slept at regular intervals; he was active and alert and fussy and cranky at the same time each day. I didn’t fully realize this, though, until he was nearly four months old and I began leaving him with my husband one evening a week. Forced to make careful note of his schedule, I was shocked to discover he was set in a predictable routine. Even more surprising was how liberating that was for me! No longer did I have the luxury of, everything-else-be-damned, spending the whole day catching up on housework, or writing, or reading, or watching T.V. I began scheduling bits of housework into Colum’s nap time and soon wound up scheduling everything! I don’t always actually follow my schedule, but I don’t fall into a state of anxiety-induced paralysis whenever I want to get something done either. Rather than consulting an ever growing “To Do” list, I simply work at whatever it is I set down for any given time slot.

But enough about me. Every parenting book and parenting expert will tell you that children thrive on routine. Infants do well on a steady feeding and sleeping routine, but don’t need much else. Certainly they need stimulation, but their other activities don’t have to be as predictable. As toddler-dom approaches and the number of naps falls to two and then one, you’ll want to add some familiar activities to the daily routine. Here in Canada, where we have a 12 month maternity leave, many tots enter daycare around one year and will have ample routine built into their days. For those of us who do not return to a regular full-time job, however, it can be hard finding the right balance.

Here’s what I do. I aim for two outings a day. Community resources are indispensable for this. Every other Monday evening there is a drop-in at the Early Years Centre, Tuesday mornings are Kindertots, Wednesdays are Family Time at the library, and we’re back at the Early Years Centre Thursday evenings. We also go to a park most days. (In extreme weather we might forgo this for a trip to the grocery store or simply stay in, but kids need to run around outdoors in all seasons.) We fill in the rest of the week with social outings and errands. This still leaves a goodly amount of time for unstructured play in the home. “Colum, Mommy’s working/cooking/cleaning/folding. Go play with your blocks/cars/balls/puzzle.”

One final warning. Don’t overdo it. While kids do need routine, there is a certain parental type that takes that to mean they can go ahead and schedule every waking moment of their children’s lives. Kids grow older and their needs change and we all need to learn how to be flexible. Sometimes that means being able to be spontaneous and creative and adventurous.