Friday Five – Rebecca Cuneo Keenan

DAILY SNACK

1. It’s Uncomfortable, Dude. Say what you want, but we all know that it is not nice to feel overheated and sticky. Sure, when we’re freezing our collective asses off in January, we pretend that it’s going to be great. By this time, though, I think we can drop the charade.

2. Air Conditioning: Expensive and Evil. Last year we bought a portable air conditioning unit to help cool down our apartment and it worked okay. Then we got the electric bill. Ouch. This year that portable unit might help in, say, one bedroom, but the rest of the house will still be an inferno without central air. I would tell you just how expensive that is, but I’m afraid to find out. And let’s not forget the toll air conditioning takes on the environment while it’s cleaning out our bank accounts.

3. The Sun Causes Cancer (and so do sunscreens, maybe). If you do manage to drag your sticky children to the park, you need to be extra careful about sun exposure. That means juggling hats, and sunscreens (but not the chemically one, they’re bad) and water bottles and bathing suits and sand toys on top of all the other crap you need. Fun.

4. No school! Now my kids haven’t even started school yet but I know this is going to suck big time. Sure, it’ll be nice not to have to wake up early and pack lunches and all that, but then what do you do with the kids?! Since most of us will have become accustomed to making good (money-making) use of those school hours, we can’t all just hang at the beach and call it a day. Ah, child care challenges are so much fun.

5. There’s sand where?! It’s worst when you’ve been to a beach, but if you have kids it doesn’t even matter. From May to September there will be sand and it will be everywhere. It collects in their shoes and in the folds of their pants. Sometimes I swear they must be sneaking little pails of the stuff all the way home. It will be in their beds and in yours. It will be on your kitchen counter and clogging up your washing machine. And then how will you clean the sand off of clothes?

Summer, it’s for the birds.

Five Ways To Eat Your Goddamned Breakfast

DAILY SNACK

1. Here’s your favourite cereal sweetie. To which the response is an adamant, “No! That cereal gets soggy. I don’t like it anymore.”

2. Okay, fine. Here’s the honey-nut version of your cereal. His eyes light up and he digs in. Then, when he’s about half-way through he pushes it away. “Soggy.’

3. Good morning. I’ve made you a nice hot bowl of oatmeal with diced apples and raisins and cinnamon added. Here, sprinkle on your own maple sugar! Well, right away you know it’s too hot. So we cool it down in the freezer for a bit and add some cold milk. One day he’ll devour his bowl. The next day he’ll eat about half and by the third time, he’s pushing the bowl away.

4. Grrr. Yeah, here’s the sugary instant dino eggs laden packet of oatmeal you requested at the grocery store. Whatever. Just eat. He’s eating now, for the first day or so. Then he starts playing with the dino eggs, not eating them unless the egg part has totally dissolved, revealing the little candy dinos inside. This means we have to put them in a cup with hot water a couple times. Then I need to spoon feed him the rest of the oatmeal when he tries to get away from the table.

5. Peanut butter sandwhiches it is. Again. No, you can’t have just jam! I am so totally screwed when he starts school in September and we can’t eat peanut butter before going. (Allergies, man, which I totally get because the peanut butter does get everywhere with little kids.) To be clear, I’m not waking up on a daily basis to make pancakes, french toast or eggs either.