I read a lot during my first pregnancy. I was learning about fetal development and the stages of labour and the mechanics of breastfeeding, sure. More than that, though, I was reading arguments about how to be a good mother. The only thing attachment parenting has in common with Ferberization is a conviction that it is the right way to care for a baby and that the other ways are wrong. I chose my camp. Attachment parenting, after all, was a much better accessory to my midwifery care and natural birth plans. I absorbed all the arguments and how-to’s and I believed in them.
I was already on a slippery slope, though. This was an unplanned pregnancy (no pre-conception check up – yikes) and I was a smoker and a bartender. I quit smoking and drinking and got a day job pronto. I couldn’t give up caffeine altogether, though, because hadn’t I done enough? I put on 15 pounds more than the recommended 20 – 35 and gave in and asked for an epidural when my cervix failed to dilate fast enough. My baby got jaundice because I couldn’t get him to latch on his first day which then meant that my milk didn’t come in fast enough, so we had to feed him (gasp) formula for a couple days. Still, I persevered. I breastfed and wore him around and gave him all my attention. I didn’t even listen to my ipod while pushing him in a stroller because that would be hogging the music.