I checked my email this morning and, hidden halfway through a message about t-ball practice, were the words every parent dreads to hear: “The team-snack schedule is up.” Am I right or am I right!? Fine, I’ve been parenting from behind a back-lit screen long enough to know that many people seem to like team snacks just fine. They buy into mythological ideals like “nutrition” and “community”. They believe there is some sort of correlation between parental anguish and a happy childhood. They are delusional.
Here’s the real lowdown on team snacks.
Myth: Team snacks help foster a sense of community and team spirit.
Reality*: After a grueling hour and a half of doodling in the dirt while waiting for her turn at bat and then letting ground balls dribble all the way out to right field where they’ll finally be picked up and thrown short of first base, your child will line up to shake hands with the opposing team. Then there’s a team meeting during which a good coach will make everybody feel great about the game they just played. THIS IS WHERE the team spirit and community happens. Finally, the kids will spill off the playing field and make off with whatever snacks are on offer, dispersing in all directions while they gobble them up.