X-Treme Board Game Disaster

Confession: I can’t get my kids to pick up after themselves.

It’s worse than that, in fact. They like to take entire toy bins and games with a zillion pieces and just dump them out all over the floor. Leave them alone for a few minutes and you will return to find a room that looks less like some children have been playing and more like a madman has been rifling through all the drawers and shelves, throwing and breaking things willy nilly.

We had taken all of the board games they’ve been given as gifts and put them away in a cabinet in the office. They’re really too young for board games, anyway, without full adult participation. During a visit with Ed’s parents last night, however, Colum followed me down to help choose a board game for him to play with his grandparents. He claimed to already know where the games were kept and I reminded him that he wasn’t to get them out on his own. They played Sorry and Guess Who, said goodnight to grandma and grandpa and went to bed.

End scene.

I’m upstairs nursing Mary, getting her changed and dressed, getting dressed myself and am engrossed in assorted other morning business. The kids are downstairs playing or watching TV, I assume. I come down to find ALL OF THE BOARD GAMES including two versions of Monopoly opened and their contents strewn across the living room. I dare anybody to go from zero to utter destruction faster than my two oldest kids. The only game they’d left downstairs was 90’s Trival Pursuit, of course.  I don’t think there’s a single soul under the age of 30 who is even tempted by that one. (But if you are over 30 …  Dudes, 90’s Trivial Pursuit! My place! After bedtime!)

The upshot is that I spent all morning cleaning and organizing various game pieces and play monies. I tried to yell at them to clean everything up, but it was clear they were in WAY over their heads. If I wanted actual games that could ever be played with again (and, believe me, I totally considered the big garbage bag instead), then I’d have to do this myself. The Monopoly with which Colum is utterly fascinated, but is way too old for him, is put away where nobody but me will ever find it, the linen closet. The rest of the games are put back into the office cabinet and will be taken away for a LONG time should they be pulled out without permission again.

Still, though. My kids don’t pick up after themselves even aside from X-TREME BOARD GAME DISASTERS ™. I’ve tried everything. And, by everything, I mean that I’ve tried using every kind of empty threat that I can think of. I know there are other (better!) ways of getting your kids to tidy up on a regular basis, but they all seem to involve copious amounts of time and energy, of which I am in short supply.

So, dear readers, what is the exact, magic empty threat that will finally work? Okay, fine, I’ll even consider more arduous approaches that involve actual parenting and discipline and all that jazz. I’m getting desperate.