Author: Rebecca Cuneo Keenan

Rebecca Cuneo Keenan is a writer who lives in Toronto with her husband and three children.

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I’m Narrowing My Focus To Serve You Better

I had hoped that I could throw together a recommended family events page, but I cannot. Compiling listings and publishing accurate information is a much bigger job than I realized. Instead, let me reference a few well-established Toronto-area family events pages and then I’ll just blog about stuff I like as I come across it.

First, Today’s Parent has an excellent Toronto events directory you can pick up at community centres and libraries, those kinds of places, or just link here. You can also check out toronto.com’s family guide, KiddingAroundToronto.com, or Everything To Do With Kids.

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Oh Crap. Can We Start This Year Again?

Toy BoxWe’re well into the New Year, but I can’t quite seem to shake the holiday haze. Despite having had a good week to settle back into our routine, everyone’s sleep schedule is still off kilter and many of Colum’s programs are still between sessions. The result: a very happy and easily adjustable toddler and a frazzled mom. The truth really is that as long as he gets enough food, sleep and attention, Colum’s good to go. Having fallen behind in house work and finances and my writing projects (like this blog for one), I’ve completely lost focus and direction and am running around like some headless fowl. I know I’m not the only one. Here’s a good account of how getting back to a simple routine can make a harried mom happy.

I have three partially written blog drafts on my desktop, two versions of my resume half done, and scraps of paper with bits of prose scattered everywhere. I keep doing three quarter of the dishes, so my kitchen is never clean, and leaving heaps of clean yet crumpled clothes lying about. And the toys! Trying to sort out which toys Colum’s outgrown from those he still plays with and deciding what’s worth keeping and what to toss is a nightmare! Nobody told me that parenting meant so much sifting and sorting of toys and clothes and gadgets. And heaven forbid Colum should ever catch me trying to pack away an old rattle or push toy; it instantly becomes his most favoured possession and I lose all faith in my toy-sorting criteria.

So I’m taking a couple days to re-schedule my hours and I hope to find a few extra per week for work that doesn’t involve wiping jam off every available surface. Here’s to a happier new year in the coming weeks.

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Too Late for This Year, But …

Okay. I’m leaving for the big in-law dinner in the burbs any second now, but I want to share one little idea. I’m proud of this one.

Get your kids to make wrapping paper by drawing on craft paper! This makes the little one’s feel involved and is so very sweet and it’s eco-friendly to boot.

Also, I’m learning that being Santa is as much work as it is fun. But it brings back that old Christmas-y excitement of my childhood and I love being a mom at this time of year.

Merry, merry Christmas! I’ll be back in a couple days with the post-game analysis.

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Trees, Trees, Trees

Growing up, we always got a real tree, but never more than one week before Christmas. (And often not more than a day or two before.) There was, therefore, a long-standing tradition of scrambling around, from one parking lot to the next, searching for any remaining trees. My husband and I have more or less carried on that tradition, but without the luxury of a vehicle, since we’ve been married.

So when my mother-in-law asked whether we wanted to drive out of the city and cut down our tree this year, I was skeptical. It was more than two weeks early, and I just didn’t know what Christmas tree hunting will be like without that special holiday desperation in the air. Figuring that it’s only fair for my husband to get to indulge in his childhood holiday traditions (no matter how predictable the outcome) from time to time, I acquiesced. And it was okay.

The tree farm was a good hour’s drive from the city core, and the smallest tree starts at $45. But our tree is beautiful and Colum got to spend the better part of a day getting it. Driving into the “country”, trudging through the snow, “helping” Grandpa saw the tree down, and watching the farm worker truss it makes for a real experience. Whether searching the city streets or choosing a tree to cut down, the point is to make a true occasion out of it.

Post Script: We have decorated our tree now, and the ornamentation is delightfully bottom heavy. At one point there were five shiny balls all hanging from one branch. They have since been dispersed during the daily ornament shuffle, and I’m predicting at least a few will turn up during spring cleaning.

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Season’s Greetings

I’m going to have to keep holiday hours in the coming weeks here at Playground Confidential. Christmas is approaching and my weekends and evenings are full of festive obligations. I’m also picking up extra shifts to help staff company parties and pay Santa’s bills. (It’s amazing how quickly a 19-month old grasps the idea of a fat bearded man in a red suit arriving via reindeer-drawn sleigh to bring him presents.) I will try to post as often as possible because I’m sure there will be lots of holiday-fueled topics I’ll be eager to write on. I probably won’t be able to mix in as many longer, thoughtful posts as I would normally. And who has time to read more than a paragraph or two at this time of year anyway!

(Picture courtesy of www.lycos.co.uk)

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Sick Daze

I put Colum to sleep tonight and tried not to look around at all. Even though my attention was firmly affixed to the new episode of Gossip Girl (such a guilty pleasure), it still felt like my home had been hit by a freakishly localized tornado. And then come under attack by robbers and vandals.

Last week I wrote about the importance of routine, and this week I can testify to the chaos brought about by ditching your routine for five days straight. Colum is fine, of course. Better than ever, in fact. It’s the state of my apartment and my own mental equilibrium that are the main victims here. It was a fever that kept us inside all day Friday. It then kept Colum and Dad home on Saturday (while I was at work). By Sunday the fever had given way to diarrhea (yay!) and a rash-covered back. On Monday morning, Colum’s spirits were returning (if not his appetite), but the rash had spread to his stomach and chest. Our doctor couldn’t squeeze him in for a couple days, but my internet research suggests this is probably a mild case of roseola and nothing to worry about. Still, it’s cold and snowy and he could be contagious, so we stay in. By today I am completely stir crazy. We head over to my parent’s home where I know my brother is recovering from last week’s U of T essay madness. We eat lunch and loll about and nap and snack and then come home and read and eat dinner and pull many, many books off many, many shelves. Looking up from Graham Greene’s The Power And The Glory, Colum says, “No pic-ers.” He then puts that one book neatly back on the shelf and we get ready for bed.

I need my days broken into bite-sized pieces, it seems. If we are doing something in between breakfast and lunch, then tidying up is part of the breakfast routine. When we just hang around, so do the dishes. And so does the laundry and the rest of the mess. A sick boy needs extra attention, though, and that’s excuse enough for me.

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Pencil This In

Routine. The word has connotations of rigid time lines and endless drudgery. But that’s just me, I know. For many people routine means order and predictability. It means comfort and stability. And for kids it is absolutely necessary.

It’s true. Even as a newborn Colum ate and slept at regular intervals; he was active and alert and fussy and cranky at the same time each day. I didn’t fully realize this, though, until he was nearly four months old and I began leaving him with my husband one evening a week. Forced to make careful note of his schedule, I was shocked to discover he was set in a predictable routine. Even more surprising was how liberating that was for me! No longer did I have the luxury of, everything-else-be-damned, spending the whole day catching up on housework, or writing, or reading, or watching T.V. I began scheduling bits of housework into Colum’s nap time and soon wound up scheduling everything! I don’t always actually follow my schedule, but I don’t fall into a state of anxiety-induced paralysis whenever I want to get something done either. Rather than consulting an ever growing “To Do” list, I simply work at whatever it is I set down for any given time slot.

But enough about me. Every parenting book and parenting expert will tell you that children thrive on routine. Infants do well on a steady feeding and sleeping routine, but don’t need much else. Certainly they need stimulation, but their other activities don’t have to be as predictable. As toddler-dom approaches and the number of naps falls to two and then one, you’ll want to add some familiar activities to the daily routine. Here in Canada, where we have a 12 month maternity leave, many tots enter daycare around one year and will have ample routine built into their days. For those of us who do not return to a regular full-time job, however, it can be hard finding the right balance.

Here’s what I do. I aim for two outings a day. Community resources are indispensable for this. Every other Monday evening there is a drop-in at the Early Years Centre, Tuesday mornings are Kindertots, Wednesdays are Family Time at the library, and we’re back at the Early Years Centre Thursday evenings. We also go to a park most days. (In extreme weather we might forgo this for a trip to the grocery store or simply stay in, but kids need to run around outdoors in all seasons.) We fill in the rest of the week with social outings and errands. This still leaves a goodly amount of time for unstructured play in the home. “Colum, Mommy’s working/cooking/cleaning/folding. Go play with your blocks/cars/balls/puzzle.”

One final warning. Don’t overdo it. While kids do need routine, there is a certain parental type that takes that to mean they can go ahead and schedule every waking moment of their children’s lives. Kids grow older and their needs change and we all need to learn how to be flexible. Sometimes that means being able to be spontaneous and creative and adventurous.

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Don’t Sweat the Dinner Hour

“Maaaa-umm….Mom!” It is, invariably, that pivotal point where the pasta must be drained, or the chicken taken out of thelitb9a.jpg oven, or the sauce stirred. I pull back from the pot of boiling liquid just as Colum wedges himself between me and the stove and clutches at my legs. I have to drag him across the room and drop him into a ball of whiny misery and try to rush back to keep from ruining dinner. When Dad finally walks through the door I’m on him to set the table and get Colum started on some milk while I quickly plate our meal. At the table my diligence in cutting and blowing and stirring in ice cubes goes unheeded. “Is too hot!” And the first of many pieces of food is flung across the table. Much pleading and stern talking and then pleading again later, I’m on my hands and knees brushing up 75 per cent of Colum’s dinner and praying that he ate the rest.

The current buzz about the importance of family meals has upped the stress level of the average dinner to an all time high. Not only do you have figure out how to prepare a nutritious meal for every member of your family after working all day (or, in my case, wallowing in unemployment — more tiring than you think), you now have to make sure everyone sits down around a table and eats together. It’s important. There have been studies. If we don’t eat as a family, Colum will be at risk for unhealthy behaviour. And so we do eat together when we can. But does it have to be this stressful?

Here are two reasons to relax at dinner. First, don’t make one meal serve two masters. Dinner doesn’t have to be both the main nutritional event and spotlight on family time. If, as is commonly the case, work schedules dictate a late dinner, why not go ahead and feed young children earlier. They can still sit at the table and eat what they like, but they won’t be so hungry and you won’t be so worried about how much they eat. Or serve dinner earlier and save some for the late comers. You can make breakfast the family meal, or only strive for a family dinner every other day.

Second, realize that a big dinner is not essential. Historically, in fact, dinner was served midday and a light supper was prepared in the evening. The advent of affordable lighting coupled with industrial jobs that took people away from their home during the workday made an evening meal both possible and desirable. Lunch, then, needed to be light and portable and just enough food to tide one over until the main meal. Cheryl Mendelson makes a good case for the restorative powers of a proper dinner on page 35 of Home Comforts, my own personal housekeeping bible. If your dinners are anything like ours can be, though, you know that “restorative” is not coming to mind any time soon. Why not have your main meal earlier whenever possible? (A Sunday dinner at midday is still traditional in many households.) We can, at the very least, make exceptions for young children who shouldn’t have to wait until just before bedtime for a substantial meal.

This is how meals are playing out at our home these days. Colum wakes up h-u-n-g-r-y. I often make a pot of oatmeal or cream of wheat now that the cool weather has started. Colum will eat at least two helpings of cereal and will either have fruit with his breakfast or as a snack an hour or so later. (NOTE: While porridge does stick to your ribs, it also sticks to every other surface your toddler comes into contact with. Do not serve oatmeal if you’re in a hurry.) Then, around noon, we’ve been enjoying soup and a sandwich now that all but the last molars are through. After Colum’s nap he might eat a snack right away or wait an hour or so, depending on how much lunch he ate. Now, if we’re waiting until 7 o’clock for a family dinner, then I’ll give him another snack while I’m cooking. If that’s not in the works, then I try to have dinner served by 6. As a general rule, the later the dinner, the less of it he eats. So, of course, plan your snacks accordingly.

There is value in sitting down for a meal as a family, and it’s a ritual I quite enjoy. We simply have to be careful not to sell the car to pay for the tires as the saying goes. (No? Well, it does now.) A little flexibility goes a long way.

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Tainted Toys: Do we have a right to safe products?

Another massive toy recall makes headlines and I’m starting to get dizzy. Are those fumes coming from my keyboard? Maybe I’m sitting dangerously close to Colum’s toy box. This latest mishap resulted in several children falling into temporary, drug-induced comas! It’s enough to make you nostalgic for good old fashioned lead poisoning. Asbestos anyone?

I’m not sure what to think of all this. It’s tempting at first to chime in with the “kids don’t need that crap anyway” school of thought. And, sure, it’s possible that one hand-carved wooden train set, an Indian rubber ball, a library card, and a healthy imagination is all any boy needs to get through childhood. (If you have a daughter, simply substitute a baby doll and skipping rope for the train set and ball. Oh, and the library card, too. Girls don’t need to read.) But it’s not 1934 and I’m not planning to move to the heartland and start homeschooling. My kid will have toys, lots of toys, maybe even more than I did. (But my generation will be hard to beat.) And after a scant year and a half I can already tell that many of those toys will not have my express approval. There will be blinking and beeping toys, squishy and smelly toys, glow in the dark toys and, I supose, even video games. Need them or not, want them or not, they will be there.

These recalls do remind us, though, that our world is not bubble-wrapped. (And even if it were, that’s a suffocation hazard.) Our safety conscious, hygiene obsessed, health and well-being oriented society is buoyed by a delusive trust in science and technology. We really believe that the answers are there to be found and that we can guarantee our children’s safety with enough research and the right gadgets. The right diet can prevent cancer and diabetes and heart disease and the right car seat will protect our babies. So it is good to re-examine those assumptions every so often and recognize their limits.

We should, nonetheless, continue to make every effort to ensure the safety of our children. When Colum takes a bite of crayon, or chews on a board book, or smears finger paint all over his face, it’s nice to know those things are non-toxic. When he wins dollar store prizes at a local fair or gets a new toy from Walmart, I’m not so sure, and that’s a shame. The free market is a ruthless, amoral creature that’s only aim is to increase profit. And while it’s one thing to get what you paid for in terms of aesthetics and durability, no price is cheap enough to entail compromised safety measures. I am planting myself, then, squarely in the “we need better regulation” camp on this one. The Bush administration has announced a planned increase in the funding and power of the Consumer Product Safety Commission. (Critics argue that it’s not nearly enough, though.) It’s high time we had an international regulatory body because even though we can expect corporate responsibility, we cannot count on it.

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Fast Veggie Fix

The challenge of getting veggies into kids (especially toddlers) is twofold. First, vegetables can be surprisingly difficult to come by on a moment’s notice. I know, I know … it only takes a few minutes to steam some carrots or broccoli. And once your kid has enough teeth, it’s easy enough to slice up some raw peppers to go with those celery and carrot sticks. Still, fruits and vegetables require that much more forethought than your other food groups. That’s probably why I can usually dish up a nutritionally balanced dinner, but am always scrambling for veggie content at lunch. If we’re out and about it’s tricky to find veggies that aren’t a salad. (Colum’s not so good with the leafy greens.) And when we’re home I’m usually trying to whip something up in under 15 minutes to get lunch in before nap time.

Here’s my tip: If your kid is anything like mine (and most are), then you know that macaroni and cheese, or any kind of pasta, will always be gobbled up — no matter how tired or cranky. So, toss some veggies in with the pasta water when cooking the noodles and serve them up at the same time. Green beans work great, but broccoli or cauliflower or whatever you have on hand is worth a try, too.

This brings us to the second part of the veggies-into-kids problem. Will they eat them? I’ll admit to having had varying success with the veggies in the pasta water shortcut. The first time I tried it Colum eagerly swallowed a few bites and then calmly spit out any and all vegetable matter as he finished the rest of the macaroni and cheese. The last time, though, I served the green beans beside the mac ‘n’ cheese and he happily ate quite a few. Depending on the day, then, you might have to resort to a carrot muffin or zucchini bread snack later in the day to up the veggie quotient.

There are, of course, as many ways to serve up vegetables as there are to reject them. What’s important, I think, is that they’re always there. And as long as a few bites end up in our kids now and then, we’re doing alright.

Disclaimer: I had this post written and ready to roll, when my husband pointed out there is much ado in the world of sneaking vegetables into kids meals right now. (Go figure.) It seems that Jessica Seinfeld’s new book Deceptively Delicious: Simple Secrets to Get Your Kids Eating Good Food is under attack for having a few unusual recipes in common with another best-selling cookbook, Sneaky Chef: Simple Strategies for Hiding Healthy Foods in Kids Favorite Meals, by Missy Chase Lapine. For the record, then, any similarity between this post and the content of any cookbook is entirely coincidental. (How banal would that cookbook be? First boil the water, then drop in the pasta …) Let me go further. The very premise of pureeing spinach and adding it to brownies (a recipe common to both books) strikes me as ridiculous. Part of what we’re trying to accomplish as parents is an appreciation for vegetables and healthy eating that will last for life. If you’re so far gone that you need to completely disguise vegetables, then you’ve already lost. (Partially disguising them is perfectly fine, though. If the cheese sauce or ketchup or ranch dressing or whatever helps the vegetables go down, at least your kids know they are enjoying vegetables!) Not that I’ve read either book.

(Photo courtesy of http://www.food-image.com/products/thumb2/fi04717.jpg)