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Don’t Sweat the Dinner Hour

“Maaaa-umm….Mom!” It is, invariably, that pivotal point where the pasta must be drained, or the chicken taken out of thelitb9a.jpg oven, or the sauce stirred. I pull back from the pot of boiling liquid just as Colum wedges himself between me and the stove and clutches at my legs. I have to drag him across the room and drop him into a ball of whiny misery and try to rush back to keep from ruining dinner. When Dad finally walks through the door I’m on him to set the table and get Colum started on some milk while I quickly plate our meal. At the table my diligence in cutting and blowing and stirring in ice cubes goes unheeded. “Is too hot!” And the first of many pieces of food is flung across the table. Much pleading and stern talking and then pleading again later, I’m on my hands and knees brushing up 75 per cent of Colum’s dinner and praying that he ate the rest.

The current buzz about the importance of family meals has upped the stress level of the average dinner to an all time high. Not only do you have figure out how to prepare a nutritious meal for every member of your family after working all day (or, in my case, wallowing in unemployment — more tiring than you think), you now have to make sure everyone sits down around a table and eats together. It’s important. There have been studies. If we don’t eat as a family, Colum will be at risk for unhealthy behaviour. And so we do eat together when we can. But does it have to be this stressful?

Here are two reasons to relax at dinner. First, don’t make one meal serve two masters. Dinner doesn’t have to be both the main nutritional event and spotlight on family time. If, as is commonly the case, work schedules dictate a late dinner, why not go ahead and feed young children earlier. They can still sit at the table and eat what they like, but they won’t be so hungry and you won’t be so worried about how much they eat. Or serve dinner earlier and save some for the late comers. You can make breakfast the family meal, or only strive for a family dinner every other day.

Second, realize that a big dinner is not essential. Historically, in fact, dinner was served midday and a light supper was prepared in the evening. The advent of affordable lighting coupled with industrial jobs that took people away from their home during the workday made an evening meal both possible and desirable. Lunch, then, needed to be light and portable and just enough food to tide one over until the main meal. Cheryl Mendelson makes a good case for the restorative powers of a proper dinner on page 35 of Home Comforts, my own personal housekeeping bible. If your dinners are anything like ours can be, though, you know that “restorative” is not coming to mind any time soon. Why not have your main meal earlier whenever possible? (A Sunday dinner at midday is still traditional in many households.) We can, at the very least, make exceptions for young children who shouldn’t have to wait until just before bedtime for a substantial meal.

This is how meals are playing out at our home these days. Colum wakes up h-u-n-g-r-y. I often make a pot of oatmeal or cream of wheat now that the cool weather has started. Colum will eat at least two helpings of cereal and will either have fruit with his breakfast or as a snack an hour or so later. (NOTE: While porridge does stick to your ribs, it also sticks to every other surface your toddler comes into contact with. Do not serve oatmeal if you’re in a hurry.) Then, around noon, we’ve been enjoying soup and a sandwich now that all but the last molars are through. After Colum’s nap he might eat a snack right away or wait an hour or so, depending on how much lunch he ate. Now, if we’re waiting until 7 o’clock for a family dinner, then I’ll give him another snack while I’m cooking. If that’s not in the works, then I try to have dinner served by 6. As a general rule, the later the dinner, the less of it he eats. So, of course, plan your snacks accordingly.

There is value in sitting down for a meal as a family, and it’s a ritual I quite enjoy. We simply have to be careful not to sell the car to pay for the tires as the saying goes. (No? Well, it does now.) A little flexibility goes a long way.