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Happy new (school) year. Here’s what it will look like.

 

Labour Day weekend is upon us. It’s a time to reflect on the coming new year. And, well, it’s going to go a little something like this. Sorry.

ABC

September

Back-to-school! About time! The kids are driving me bonkers. We’re so ready for a fresh start. We’re going to nail it all this year: lunches and homework and chores, bring it.

October

Well, this year is a bust. Lunches are last-ditch scramble every morning, the new homework stations are a mess, laundry mountain is back, and what??? I’m supposed to be signing their agendas every day?

November

WHY IS THERE NO HOLIDAY THIS MONTH?! Screw it, I’m taking American Thanksgiving. My ancestors landed on Ellis Island.

December

“Just hear those sleigh bells jingle-ing. Ring ting tingle-ing too.” Keep up the joy. Keep it up. The holidays are fucking magical and you will stay up until 3am baking cookies to prove it.

January

The kids are back at school. You’re a new woman now. All the resolutions. This year for real! Just. So. Hungry. And sober.

February

Snot should not be able to freeze to the outside of faces. Why do we live here? It’s so cold. So, so, so, so cold. There’s no end to the snow pants. Wrestling kids into snow pants is now your life. It’s what you do. Just accept it. Suck it up.

March

Seriously?! Is spring never going to come? At least there’s March Break. Let’s staycation! We don’t need to travel to overpay for insanely crowded attractions and meltdowns on public transit.

April

Oh god, the school year’s almost over and have the kids even been doing their homework? You’ve been running on steam, pulled in a million different directions. There’s only one thing to do. You have to seize onto this one random math assignment and freak the hell out over it. You ARE a good parent.

May

Winter sports meet summer sports and now dinner is eaten in the car and lunches are stale crackers, raisins and that stray cheese string you found in the back of the fridge. Almost at the end.

June

Sob. I just need a break. I’m so done with the daily grind of homework, lunches, sports, music, laundry, dinner, repeat. We’re falling down at the finish line here.

July

What the hell. This new routine is STILL a grind: camp drop offs, more lunches, sunscreen, hats, water, and wet swimsuits.

August

What a great vacation. We didn’t sit still for a moment. I’m exhausted. And broke. And way behind on work. I need a vacation from my vacation. lololol

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Last days of summer vacation are a throwback to a harder time

baseball diamond

These past two weeks are like a throwback for me. They’re a throwback to a time before school, when I had my kids with me nearly all day, every day, juggling work deadlines with domestic duty, all the while trying to keep a careful and loving watch over my children.

It not quite the same, of course. I no longer have toddlers likely to careen head-first down a flight of stairs or to run blindly out into traffic. I don’t have infants to hold and nurse every two hours and to gingerly, frustratingly try to coax down to sleep. Perhaps most critically, my kids are now almost entirely independent in the toilet department.

At ten, seven and nearly five, in fact, you might imagine children who can prepare a reasonable lunch for themselves, pick up their things, play games together and only really need a cursory supervision. I imagined this and it’s the reason I thought, eh, it will be all right. We can hang out for a couple weeks after the family vacation while I catch up on work. They’ll be fine.

But I can’t really just let them languish in front of the television screen for days on end. One child has a couple hours of tutoring in the morning, for one, so it’s a process just to get them all fed and dressed and out of the house. Running into a store to pick up some groceries is like an epic adventure. How had I forgotten that?

The five-year-old is still headstrong and loathe to leave her own imaginary world at any given time; dismissive of the rest of the world’s desire to (if not quite keep to a schedule) at least finish tasks within a reasonable time frame. They still need time for running around outside and connecting with friends. There are baseball games and practices to attend and dinners to prepare.

My biggest sense of déjà vu is when I find myself feeling suffocated while lounging at the park on a lovely summer afternoon, chatting with neighbourhood friends. Or maybe I’m watching over five-year-olds as the roll around in the grass while their bigger sibs play baseball. These are relaxing and enjoyable moments; arguably one of the great perks of parenthood. But I can’t fully relax, constantly playing in my mind all the million other tasks that need doing, that I can’t get to because I have been forced to spend the afternoon at the park. It’s like someone barging into a productive office and decreeing a mandatory two-hour recess every afternoon: nice idea but what about all the work that needs doing?

And just to make sure I’m fully ready to send them all off to school next week, my two girls spent the better part of last night bent over the throw up bowl. I’d rub one’s back and wait for her to be done, wipe her mouth, get her a drink of water, and watch her settle back into sleep. Then I’d rinse out the bowl and place it back beside her pillow just in time for the other girl to wake up with start and begin the process all over.

So I’m calling it a sick day, even though they both seem fully better now. And on sick days they do get to lounge in front of the television for hours on end and I’ll see if I can’t get caught up just enough to make it through until next Tuesday.

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244 female artists who are not Taylor Swift (and one who is)

Female artists

Whenever we’re in the car and flipping through radio stations, my seven-year-old daughter will diligently scream out from the third row, “NO! NO! CHANGE IT!” She insists we keep scanning until we find a “girl song.” And that’s fine because she’s a seven-year-old girl and why shouldn’t she listen to female artists if that’s what she likes? Of course, the “girl song” invariably happens to be a top-40 pop hit and, more often than not, it’s Taylor Swift. And that’s fine, too. How edgy do you need to be at seven, anyway? Give a girl some space to grow.

Still, I would not be doing my music-loving maternal duty if I did not at least expose my children to music beyond top-40 radio.  And I do try, but life’s a scramble and it’s hard to find the time to sit people down to listen to music. Then I realized that we are planning an epic road trip and all my kids will be strapped into a vehicle driving 100+km per hour down the freeway and they will be completely at my mercy. Is it girl songs you want? Oh, well, then it is girl songs you shall get.

I started putting together lists of female artists: women in rock, women in hip hop, Motown, singer/songwriters. But I knew I must be forgetting some. So I took my project to Facebook and asked my friends who I should include on this all-girls road-trip playlist.

My friends did not let me down. They chimed in with 115 comments and well over 200 wildly diverse and exciting suggestions. I decided I needed to make one giant, inclusive playlist that would encompass songs from all of these artists. I also decided that I couldn’t keep it to myself.

“Guess what, honey? I am putting together a giant playlist composed of all female singers and musicians!” I said.

(Side eyes.)

“Does it have Taylor Swift and Katy Perry on it?”

Fine. So, here you have it. THE EPIC ROAD-TRIP PLAYLIST made of 244 artists who are not Taylor Swift (and one who is.)

* Note that this is an inclusive playlist that has not been vetted for “appropriate” lyrics and subject matter. In fact, I can GUARANTEE THAT YOU WILL find explicit lyrics in many of these artists’ songs. If you are not up for discussing language and subject matter with your children as it arises, then proceed with caution.

**I have gone through and quickly noted the “genre” of music beside each artist as suggested by a google search. This is rough and not always entirely descriptive, but it can help you try to put together other smaller, more manageable playlists based on genre if you wish.

Here is the link to the public playlist I made on Google Music.

Below is an alphabetical list of the artists.

Aaliyah (contemporary R&B, pop)

Adele (pop, soul)

Alabama Shakes (blues rock, southern rock)

Alvvays (indie pop)

Tori Amos (alternative rock, piano rock)

Fiona Apple (alternative rock, art pop)

Jann Arden (pop rock)

India Arie (soul, neo soul)

Joan Armatrading (rock, pop)

The B-52’s (new wave, post punk)

Erykah Badu (neo soul, contemporary R&B)

The Bangles (pop rock, pop)

Sara Bareilles (pop, soul)

Pat Benatar (rock, hard rock)

Beyonce (contemporary R&B, pop)

Bikini Kill (punk rock, riot grrrl)

Bjork (electronic experimental art pop, avant-garde trip hop)

Jully Black (contemporary R&B, soul)

Mary J Blige (soul, hip hop)

Blondie (new wave, punk rock)

Tracy Bonham (alternative rock, post grunge)

Braids (indie rock, art rock)

Breeders (alternative rock)

Meredith Brooks (alternative rock)

Basia Bulat (folk)

Kate Bush (art pop, art rock)

Le Butcherettes (punk rock, garage rock)

Colbie Caillat (folk rock, pop rock)

Maria Callas (classical, opera)

Alessia Cara (contemporary R&B, pop)

Cardigans (alternative rock, pop rock)

Mariah Carey (contemporary R&B, pop)

Brandi Carlile (alternative country, folk rock)

Belinda Carlisle/The Go-Go’s (pop rock, new wave)

Mary Chapin Carpenter (americana, country)

Neko Case/The New Pornographers (indie rock, alternative country)

Jennifer Castle (folk)

Catatonia (alternative rock, indie rock)

Tracy Chapman (folk, blues rock)

Neneh Cherry (hip hop, trip hop)

Chvrches (synthpop, indie rock)

Kelly Clarkson (pop, pop rock)

Patsy Cline (Nashville sound, country)

Holly Cole (jazz)

Paula Cole (adult contemporary)

Lynn Collins (funk, soul)

Shawn Colvin (new folk, singer-songwriter)

Concrete Blonde (alternative rock)

Couer de Pirate (indie pop, sings in French)

Cowboy Junkies (americana, alt-country)

Deborah Cox (contemporary R&B, dance)

The Cranberries (alternative rock, celtic rock)

Sheryl Crow (pop, rock)

Lori Cullen (pop)

Dalbello (rock, hard rock)

Brody Dalle/The Distillers (punk rock, alternative rock)

Danielle Ate The Sandwich (folk)

Zooey Deschanel/She & Him (pop, folk)

Lana del Rey (baroque pop, dream pop)

Des’ree (soul, dance)

Hazel Dickens (bluegrass, folk)

Dido (pop)

Ani DiFranco (folk rock, alternative rock)

Celine Dion (pop)

Disappear Fear (indie folk, indie pop)

Dixie Chicks/Court Yard Hounds (country, pop, folk)

Dragonette (synthpop, new wave)

Stacey Earle (country, rock)

Elastica (britpop, alternative rock)

Missy Elliot (hip hop, contemporary R&B)

Enya (new age, celtic)

Erase Errata (post-punk revival, alternative rock)

ESG (no wave, post punk)

Melissa Etheridge (heartland rock, roots rock)

Evanescence (rock)

Kellylee Evans (jazz, soul)

Cesaria Evora (morna, coladeira, sang in Kriolu)

Marianne Faithfull (rock, folk)

Feist/Broken Social Scene (indie rock, indie pop)

A Fine Frenzy (pop/rock)

First Aid Kit (folk, indie folk)

Ella Fitzgerald (swing, bebop)

Roberta Flack (jazz, folk)

Florence + the Machine (indie rock, indie pop)

Frazy Ford/The Be Good Tanyas (folk, soul)

Aretha Franklin (gospel, R&B)

Nelly Furtado (pop, folk)

Lady Gaga (electropop, dance-pop)

Garbage (alternative rock, electronics in rock)

Melody Gardot (jazz, acoustic)

Selena Gomez (dance-pop)

Gossip (indie rock, dance-rock)

Macy Gray (contemporary R&B, soul)

Skylar Grey (pop)

Grimes (synthpop, art pop)

Emm Gryner (pop, alternative rock)

The G.T.O.’s (pop/rock)

Haim (indie rock, soft rock)

Sarah Harmer (folk, pop/rock)

Emmylou Harris (folk, country rock)

Beth Hart (blues rock, jazz fusion)

PJ Harvey (alternative rock, punk blues)

Heart (rock, folk rock)

Missy Higgins (pop, independent)

Faith Hill (country, country pop)

Lauryn Hill/Fugees (contemporary R&B, hip hop)

Hole (alternative rock, grunge)

Billie Holiday (vocal jazz, jazz blues)

Whitney Houston (contemporary R&B, pop)

Chrissie Hynde/Pretenders (rock, new wave)

Indigo Girls (folk rock)

Janet Jackson (pop, R&B)

Luscious Jackson (alternative rock, alternative hip hop)

Etta James (blues, R&B)

Joan Jett/Joan Jett & the Blackhearts/The Runaways (rock, hard rock)

Jewel (pop, folk)

Grace Jones (electronica, disco)

Norah Jones (jazz, blue-eyed soul)

Janis Joplin/Big Brother and the Holding Company (psychedelic rock, blues rock)

Alicia Keys (contemporary R&B, soul)

Kimbra (pop, jazz)

Carole King (pop, soft rock)

Gladys Knight and the Pips/Marvelettes (rhythm and blues, funk)

Diana Krall (jazz, traditional pop)

Chantal Kreviazuk (adult contemporary)

L7 (grunge, hard rock)

Lianne La Havas (soul, folk)

Miranda Lambert/Pistol Annies (country)

k.d. Lang (country, pop)

Queen Latifah (hip hop, jazz)

Cyndi Lauper (pop, rock)

Annie Lennox/Eurythmics (new wave, pop rock)

Lhasa (folk, world)

Lights (pop/rock)

Lisa Loeb (contemporary folk/rock)

Jennifer Lopez (contemporary R&B, pop)

Lorde (art pop, dream pop)

Lura (morna, world)

Lush (brit pop, dream pop)

Loretta Lynn (country, honky-tonk)

Stevie Nicks/Fleetwood Mac (pop rock, soft rock)

Made In Heights (elctro-pop)

Madonna (pop, dance)

Miriam Makeba (marabi, world)

Zap Mama (world)

Amiee Mann (rock, folk)

Anya Marina (indie rock, indie pop)

Amanda Marshall (soft rock, rhythm and blues)

Mazzy Star (alternative rock, dream pop)

Martina McBride (country, country pop)

Sarah McLaughlin (pop, rock)

Natalie Merchant/10,000 Maniacs (alternative rock, pop)

Metric (indie rock, new wave)

M.I.A. (hip hop, electronic)

Ingrid Michaelson (indie pop, indie folk)

Joni Mitchell (folk, rock)

Janelle Monae (psychedelic soul, contemporary R&B)

Monica (contemporary R&B, hip hop)

Morcheeba (trip hop, electronica)

Alanis Morissette (alternative rock, post-grunge)

Roisin Murphy (electronic, art pop)

Laura Mvula (pop, contemporary R&B)

My Brightest Diamond (indie rock, baroque pop)

Mýa (contemporary R&B, hip hop)

Meg Myers (alternative rock, pop rock)

Alannah Myles (rock, pop)

Bif Naked (rock, pop)

Meshell Ndegeocello (neo soul, contemporary R&B)

Noisettes (indie rock, pop)

Laura Nyro (rhythm and blues, pop)

Sinead O’Connor (alternative rock, pop rock)

Mary Margaret O’Hara (rock)

Lindi Ortega (country)

Beth Orton (folktronica, folk)

Joan Osborne (rock, folk)

Paramore (alternative rock, pop punk)

Dolly Parton (country, country pop)

Dawn Penn (reggae, rocksteady)

Katy Perry (pop/rock)

Madeleine Peyroux (jazz, blues)

Liz Phair (alternative rock, indie rock)

Edith Piaf (cabaret, torch songs, French)

Pink (pop/rock, contemporary R&B)

The Plasmatics (punk rock, heavy metal)

Poe (alternative rock, pop rock)

Pomplamoose (indie pop, indie electoronic)

Carole Pope/Rough Trade (rock)

Portishead (trip hop, experimental rock)

Cat Power (indie rock, folk rock)

The Pretty Reckless (hard rock, post grunge)

Bonnie Raitt (blues, country)

Helen Reddy (pop, easy listening)

Martha Reeves and the Vandellas (rhythm and blues, soul)

Jenni Rivera (banda, latin pop)

The Ronettes (rhythm and blues, pop)

Diana Ross & The Supremes (soul, rhythm and blues)

Serena Ryder (pop/rock)

Sade (soul, smooth jazz)

Santigold (electronic)

Salt-N-Pepa (hip hop, dance)

Jill Scott (soul, neo soul)

Shakira (pop, latin pop)

Sia (pop, electropop)

Jane Siberry (alternative pop)

Carly Simon (pop rock, soft rock)

Nina Simone (rhythm and blues, jazz)

Nancy Sinatra (rock, pop)

Siouxsie and the Banshees (post punk, gothic rock)

Mavis Staples/The Staples Sisters (rhythm and blues, soul)

Sarah Slean (rock)

Sleater-Kinney (punk rock, indie rock)

Bessie Smith (blues, jazz blues)

Patti Smith (punk rock, art punk)

Meghan Smith (folk, jazz, pop)

Jill Sobule (folk rock, indie rock)

Solange (R&B, funk)

Sonic Youth (noise rock, alternative rock)

Esperanza Spalding (jazz, jazz fusion)

Cold Specks (soul, gothic rock)

Regina Spektor (anit-folk)

Dusty Springfield (pop, rhythm and blues)

Buffy Sainte-Marie (folk)

Gwen Stefani/No Doubt (pop, ska punk)

Sugarland (country)

Taylor Swift (country, pop)

Teenage Jesus and the Jerks (no wave)

Tegan and Sara (indie pop, indie folk)

Rosie Thomas (alternative rock, indie folk)

Le Tigre (electroclash, dance punk)

The Ting Tings (indie pop, indie rock)

TLC (contemporary R&B, pop)

Tina Turner (pop rock, contemporary R&B)

Shania Twain (country, country pop)

Sarah Vaughn (vocal jazz, bebop)

Suzanne Vega (alternative rock, folk rock)

Crash Vegas (folk rock)

Veruca Salt (alternative rock, grunge)

Martha Wainwright (folk, pop)

Weepies (indie, folk rock)

Dar Williams (folk, folk pop)

Lucinda Williams (americana, folk rock)

Amy Winehouse (soul, neo soul)

Womack & Womack (contemporary R&B, soul)

Nikki Yanofsky (jazz, pop)

Yeah Yeah Yeahs (garage punk, indie rock)

Yo La Tengo (indie rock, noise pop)

 

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Still don’t care about Pokémon: A personal history

Still don't care about Pokemon

My baby brother was the first person to try to get me to give a shit about Pokémon. It must have been right before I moved out of my parents’ house; I was 19 or 20 years old and he was 7 or 8. He used to watch the anime series and sometimes I was in the same room when the TV was on. I learned there was a little yellow Pokémon named Pikachu. And that was the very last thing I ever learned about Pokémon.

“Hey, Becky! Who would you rather have? Pikachu, Bulbasaur, Leavanny or Charizard?” Oh god, kid, I don’t care.

Then there was a blissful interlude of a dozen years or so with nary a mention of a Snorlax or a Zapdos.

My son was probably around five when he got his first Pokémon cards. I don’t know how he got them — I certainly did not buy them for him. I don’t know and I don’t care. But he poured over those suckers, cementing his early reading skills by sounding out such nonsensical words as Scizor and Blaziken. He would show them to me, his sweet angelic face eager for my approval, and my eyes would glaze over, my voice like a prerecorded message. “That’s nice, sweetie.”

As the years passed, I might have hoped that my son would outgrow his fixation with Pokémon, but I simply couldn’t care even that much. So he went on collecting ever more cards. I’m sure I used them as occasional bribes and he also got them from various people as birthday and holiday gifts. He traded some for others with friends. Parents at the school were alarmed because sometimes older kids or smarter kids or more cut-throat kids would trade cards with little-to-no value for rare, powerful and highly sought-after cards. Rules were put into place. Kids weren’t supposed to bring their cards to school any longer. I saw my son sneaking stacks of cards into his backpack anyway.

I didn’t care.

He rediscovered the animated series. Maybe it’s on Netflix or something, what do I care. So now his younger sisters watch the show too, and look at the cards, and learn the names of Pokémon. “Mommy,” someone is always saying, “who’s your favourite Pokemon? Who do you like more, Alkazam or Dragonite? Would you rather have a fire-type or a electric-type?” I just smile, “Oh children, I’ve already told you this. I don’t care about Pokémon.”

Then one night a couple weeks ago, my husband says, “Have you been hearing all the hype about this new Pokémon Go game?”

I nearly slipped into a coma.

Eventually the hype caught up to me. I’d log onto Facebook and people were debating whether or not this was a good thing. On the one hand, the game was encouraging people (kids, adults, families) to go outside and explore. On the other it was still a video game and can we not even go for a walk anymore without being glued to our screens. I thought about forming my own opinion for a brief second. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…..

But I was awakened from my Pokémon-induced slumber when the discussion got heated. Oh, mom bloggers, you never cease to disappoint. Anyone questioning the merits of Pokémon Go was accused of being a killjoy, a judgmental and snobby killjoy that should just mind her own business and stop with the sanctimony. The mom enthusiasts were accused of letting their kids roam around in potentially dangerous areas and risking injury through distraction, or of glorifying what was simply yet another video game designed to suck us in.

It didn’t take long before comedian Dena Blizzard came up with her spoof: the Chardenay Go app for moms. Because get it? We can’t get through a day of parenting without reaching for a glass of wine. I cannot get enough drunk mom gags. Alcoholism is so funny! Don’t worry, I’m not offended; just bored.

You can love Pokémon Go or you can hate it. It doesn’t matter to me.

I simply don’t care.

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The truth about bored kids

The truth about bored kids

Image credit.

There is a widely shared article on Quartz.com on how we’re over scheduling our kids (shocker, I know) and depriving them of the precious boredom they need to learn how to entertain themselves. It closes with this quote by the philosopher Bertrand Russel: “A child develops best when, like a young plant, he is left undisturbed in the same soil. Too much travel, too much variety of impressions, are not good for the young, and cause them as they grow up to become incapable of enduring fruitful monotony.”

With all due respect to one of the greatest intellects of the past century, Bertrand Russel, (and I definitely agree that a good amount of “fruitful monotony” must be endured to to even begin to understand Principia Mathematica, his greatest work) I still think I’ll take my modern-day parenting advice from someone born sometime after 1872.

Of course, as the Quartz article (and many others) show, there’s no shortage of modern day psychologists and other experts who argue our kids are over scheduled during the summer. The gist of the argument seems to be that being bored is a good thing. It’s necessary for learning how to entertain ourselves, developing creativity, and learning self-motivation.

All of this is fine and good as a general observation. But I hate the way it’s often framed as yet another parent fail. There go these modern parents again, over scheduling and hovering over their kids. Do they think we hate having down time? I like nothing more than sipping coffee and reading while my kids entertain themselves. Time to just relax and be together as a family is something everyone wants.

We don’t sit down and decide how to schedule our kids every waking moment. What we do is pay for camp which is basically child care so that we can work. Families whose parents get some time off during the summer don’t put their kids in camp for the entire summer. And kids who do go to camp usually still have time on evenings and weekends to flop around feeling bored. It’s not all or nothing, and it’s probably for the best.

I didn’t have any summer child care (camp or otherwise) for eight years. Did my learn to entertain themselves? Sure. Long-form narrative-driven creative play using every single toy in the house and whatever else they can turn into a prop is something my children are very good at. But they also watched way too much TV, completely trashed the house, and interrupted me endlessly to beg for snacks while I tried to get some work done. I need to weigh the benefits of boredom against my own sanity. So now my kids go to day camp for half the summer. We’ll take a family road trip and then bum around here for a couple weeks at the end — just long enough for me to cry tears of joy when the school year starts again.

As Leah Maclaren wrote recently in her Globe and Mail column, “For most kids, boredom is real and contrary to the “experts” on your social media feed, unstructured hours and empty days are not a magical portal into a nostalgic landscape of summers past. Having no camp, cottage or summer activities planned and paid for means endless hours of screen time because the local library is 10 blocks away and books and movies tickets are expensive. It means cereal poured from a box for breakfast, lunch and dinner while Mom and Dad commute back and forth to work.”

Could I let my ten and seven-year-olds go to a local park on their own instead of bumming around the house? (Of course, that still leaves me with a four-year-old to care for. But let’s pretend she’s somewhere else.) Sure! I would love nothing more than to open my door and shoo the kids out. Come back for dinner! But I don’t because traffic is a menace in this city. Shawn Micallef notes in a recent Toronto Star column, “Just last Monday alone eight pedestrians were struck by cars, one in Rexdale fatally, and four cyclists were hit.” I was about to leave my two oldest kids at a local parkette, just two sides streets away, last week while I went home to get dinner started. But a steady stream of cars, trucks and SUVs whipping around the corners of those side streets changed my mind. I made them come home with me. Maybe next year.

All this talk of kids roaming free and making their own fun smacks of a naive, privileged never land. It’s as though kids are being plucked out of lovely gardens with nannies on hand to provide nourishing snacks throughout the day and made to endure the rigours of a day spent playing capture the flag and swimming with teen counselors. Can we admit that the alternative is much more like Maclaren paints, kids bumming around watching TV, playing video games, exploring the internet and snacking on prepackaged food?

What happens when a working parent does try to “let them be bored and spend time outside”? Remember the McDonald’s mom from two years ago? The one who let her nine-year-old spend the day at the park rather than looking at a screen? That’s right, we get charged with neglect.

Summer vacation is a serious challenge for most parents to figure out. (I recently discussed this very thing with Brandie Weikle on The New Family podcast, too.) So let’s just give ourselves a pat on the back for getting through it.

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Confidence is worth fighting for

I truly don’t believe in forcing kids to do things they don’t want to do.

“Get your boots on, sweetie, it’s time for your hockey game.”

“But I don’t want to go. I HATE HOCKEY. NO, NO, NO!”

“Get your boots on and get in the car and I don’t want to hear another word about it. Do you know how much money this costs?”

I look at other parents sometimes and wonder who they’re really doing all this for. Who’s dream is this? Because it certainly doesn’t seem to be their child’s.

“Okay, honey. Hurry up and eat your dinner because you’ve got to go straight out to t-ball practice after.”

“I don’t wannnnaaa go.”

“I know you say that now, sweet heart, but remember how much fun you had last time?”

“No, NO, NO! YOU CAN’T FORCE ME. I HATE THIS STUPID TEAM.”

“Your father is spending time and energy coaching this team and he is doing it for you. He is counting on you. Your teammates are counting on. Get. In. The. Car.”

I think it’s important that we listen to our children and respect their personal agency. There’s nothing to be gained from forcing a child to do an extracurricular she hates.

So I guess I’m a liar. Or, you know, real life is messy and full of contradictions. I do think it’s important that we listen to our kids and give them the power to make some choices for themselves. But we also know our kids and see that sometimes, for some kids, a gentle shove (or a full-on screaming match, whatevs) is exactly what they need.

Because for a long time my daughter never wanted to go any practices or games. She was happy to be signed up and to shop for equipment, of course, but actually leave the house and go? No way. Unh uh. Not going to happen without a fight.

But she did love playing. The girl thrives on physical competition. You could see it in her face. You could feel the pure joy radiating out from beneath her pink hockey helmet; it would shine through her face mask, through the glass, and warm you right through as you sat watching in those ice cold stands.

So what was it then? If it wasn’t the actual sport. Part of it could be laziness, sure. Who does want to get up first thing on a Sunday morning? But the truth — and the reason I insisted she keep playing — is that her reluctance stemmed from insecurities. She was afraid she wouldn’t know what to do. She was afraid she wouldn’t be any good. (The girl plays to win.) She was afraid she was a girl playing a boy’s sport.

She was afraid, basically.

new ivivva

Loving the clothes. Hating the camera.

A couple weeks ago, we attended a media event hosted by ivvivva (lululemon’s girls’s line). And while it was absolutely fun to shop for clothes for my girls, and even though I loved the amazing clothes that are designed to move and breathe and support young women while they go after their dreams, that wasn’t what I loved the most. What surprised and impressed me most was how much my seven-year-old daughter got out of the inspiring talk by Olympic skier and medalist, Allison Forsyth, a workshop on her dreams and inspirations, and the in-store dance lesson. (You can check with a  location near you to see what free in-store classes they have coming up.)

Allison Forsyth ivivva

Olympic medalist Allison Forsyth inpsires the girls

My daughter is a kick-ass, driven, athletic competitor, but she needs that extra encouragement. Her confidence still needs nurturing. And she craves community and belonging.

This should really be no surprise. Because this baseball season we haven’t gotten into a single argument. She runs upstairs to get into her uniform. She’s the first one out the door in cleats and a glove. She’s the one nagging her older brother over and over again to go out and play catch. She beams with pride when she talks about her throwing arm.

Diamonds in dugout

Cheering on their teammates from the dugout.

This is because she has found the encouragement, coaching and community she needed with the High Park Diamonds, an all-girls t-ball rep team that competes in tournaments in Southern Ontario and love nothing more than showing a team full of boys what it means to play like a girl. Being on this team has transformed her attitude about sports in general. She loves playing on her co-ed house league teams too now. And, to my surprise, has made me a huge advocate of girls teams and girls leagues in sports.

We’re all trying to raise confident girls here. And that is something worth fighting for.

 

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How moms tear each other down

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Caroline Rhea on parenting and putting your kid first

Caroline Rhea

Caroline Rhea’s daughter is a huge Taylor Swift fan.

Like huge.

So Caroline did what any of us would do for our kids. She called her old friend Kelly Ripa and arranged to bring her daughter back stage at LIVE with Kelly and Michael on the day Taylor was on the show.

“Mommy, I want to meet her, get a picture with her, and get an autograph,” Caroline mimicked her daughter.

Um. Now Caroline was worried. She wasn’t 100% sure that Taylor even knew who she was, let alone that she’d go the extra mile for her daughter. So she set aside any shame or pride for a moment, stepped into earshot of Taylor’s entourage, and called her sister.

“So David Letterman wants to have me on during his last week?” she said into the phone.

“Nope. No, he doesn’t. That’s not happening,” her sister replied.

“Well, sure, I want to do it. But do you think it’s too close to my appearance on Leno?”

“That’s yet another talk show you won’t be appearing on.”

“Uh huh. Well, you make it work then, and let me know.”

In the end, Taylor Swift was absolutely lovely to Caroline’s daughter; taking the time to talk with her and take a picture. But the cherry on that sundae was when Taylor looked up at Caroline and said, “I used to love you on Sabrina the Teenage Witch.”

We were laughing all through that story and the next one and the one after that. It was a small media event set up by Heritage Education Funds to promote their new My Little Dreamer contest. Caroline Rhea is their spokesperson and starred in a series of commercials for Heritage RESPs.

It makes sense for Caroline to be advocating for education savings because it’s clear when you talk to her that she’s a mom first and everything else comes after.

Caroline had her daughter when she was when in her forties.  (Her daughter is now seven and, by the way, looked absolutely adorable in a Charlie Chaplin getup for her dance recital because, yes, Caroline fully whipped out her phone to share her personal pictures with us.) Since she’s already achieved many career goals such as taking her stand up routine on tour, having a major role in a TV sitcom, hosting her own syndicated talk show, and much more, she doesn’t feel like she needs to prove herself to anyone. She also says that she is now emotionally equipped to be a mother.

She teaches her daughter not to be afraid to take care of herself first because women tend to take care of everyone else instead. She also says girls and women need to believe in themselves since “Judging is America’s national pastime.” (Caroline was born and raised in Montreal, by the way, and is still a Canadian citizen despite having lived and worked in the US for decades.)

And since, as Caroline says, “Your child’s happiness is within your own personal happiness circle,” we do have to take steps to ensure they have the opportunities to pursue their dreams.

If you haven’t set up RESPs for your kids yet, it’s a good thing to consider. Even a small monthly contribution can make a big difference to their financial future. You can also head over to the Heritage website to check out all the details of their Little Dreamer contest. Upload a short 15 to 30 second video of your kid sharing what they want to be when they grow up. Then get friends and family to vote you into the top slot. The contest runs until September 14, 2016 and the grand prize is $5000 in RESPs. Not too shabby!

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We literally had poison control on speed dial

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May we once again be free to overindulge, the only price to pay a hangover and sore feet.

The Orlando massacre was one born of hatred and homophobia, propped up by the despicable doctrine of violence and terror promoted by ISIS, and then finally facilitated by the deplorable and reckless accessibility to automatic firearms in the United States.
 
It took place in a nightclub full of music and booze. Swaying hips, pulsing beats, sticky, sweaty, not-a-fuck-to-give partying. A club like most of us have been to, looking to dance, to drink and most certainly to hook up.
 
It’s took place in a nightclub much like the ones our children will seek out in fewer years than we care to admit. Where they will let loose and dance and rub their bodies up against one another. The kind of place where they will be free to overindulge, the only price to pay a hangover and sore feet.
 
There’s not much to say that isn’t obvious here. It was the horrific act of a single man. It was also a manifestation of evil and negligence. We all know this.
 
I only write this here now because I am compelled to write something. Because I am sickened; the callous violence and senseless loss of life made even harder to bear by the free and fun-loving scene where it took place.
 
Fifty gay men and their families and friends have had their lives shattered. A community is grieving.
 
I only hope that generations to come will once again be able to party into the night, not a care in the world, safe among friends.